Trulyfab

Three women die together in an accident
and go to heaven.

When they get there, St. Peter says,
'We only have one rule here in heaven:
don't step on the ducks!'

So they enter heaven, and sure enough,
there are ducks all over the place.
It is almost impossible not to step on a duck,
and although they try their best to avoid them,
the first woman accidentally steps on one.

Along comes St. Peter with the ugliest man she ever saw.
St. Peter chains them together and says,
'Your punishment for stepping on a duck is to
spend eternity chained to this ugly man!'

The next day,
the second woman steps accidentally on a duck
and along comes St. Peter,
who doesn't miss a thing.
With him is another extremely ugly man.
He chains them together
with the same admonishment as for the first woman.

The third woman has observed all this and,
not wanting to be chained
for all eternity to an ugly man, is very,
VERY careful where she steps.

She manages to go months
without stepping on any ducks,
but
one day St.Peter comes up to her
with the most handsome man she has ever laid eyes on
.... very tall, long eyelashes, muscular.

St. Peter chains them together without saying a word.

The happy woman says,
'I wonder what I did to deserve being chained to you for all of eternity?'

The guy says,
'I don't know about you,
but I stepped on a
duck...

Been feeling aggitated all day, last few nights i have'nt slept til well after 5. This morning i was making a meal fit for a peasent thinking a full belly would help bring on snoozes. Carebear told me to take a chill pill becase i've been so short, i have took a few and still i want to scream. I know what is causing it but if i erupt with fuckface i will be letting myself down. Ex MIL keeps telling me little things and i don't want to hear it, i am looking forward to our week away but i now have it in the back of my mind i will just get so pist of that by the time i arrive back in Glasgow i will want to draw blood.
Speaking of blood, what's the deal with this feckin implant? I was warned periods could be erratic but ffs body if you need to spill then do it and not wind me up with spots here and there.
Carebear has demolished so much food today that i might have to turn to illegal work just to keep the fridge stocked up.
I just want to bang my head off a wall and have done with it. And so much for doing somethig nice today, Asda does not mean a day out but child seems to think that me getting out the house for half an hour is fine whilst she's playing with her mates.
I also want to dig my neighbour up, remember the fire a few weeks ago? well it's on youtube and she showed it to her...where's the glory in showing a wean a fire?...I'm stil bealing that her dad showed her a paper a few weeks ago with a member of his family in it, he's a two bob plastic gangster who started his career selling hash to weans and now owns a security company (peeps we ain't daft we all know security companys are a front for something else)
I love my daughter dearly but would just like it if someone offered to take her for a few hours so i could get me time, i know i get it when she's at school but i really want a massive blowout, i want to go to a gig get wasted and end up at an aftershow party and giving a fuck about no-one bar myself.

Right i'm pissing off now and typing no more until i get this feeling out my system

I was going to tell you all a joke about a phone in on a glasgow redio station but John Smeaton is a bigger joke. He was the guy who took all the glory for the glasgow airport attack a couple of years back. You know that landrover or whatever it was that tried to go through the main terminal doors. I watched him on the news the other day, he now wants to be a politician, I think it's the north east he's wanting to win over. He started his speech very Tommy Sheridan bt when asked questions he crumbled like a packet of golden wonders.

Before the airport thing happened i was at a gathering the night before and remember very wel through my hazy mind saying how Glasgow would never be subject to an attack, if anywhere in Scotland it would be Aberdeen or Edinburger, oh how James delighted in phoning me the next day to say he would be home late as he had to go erect security fences at the airport.

My new neighbor has made a great impact on our street already, i have known her for all my life so her antics don't get a second glance from me as i no her humour and boldness. I think the wifie a few doors down has took an instant dislike as she said to me yesterda to be careful of that one. I did'nt crack a light she was m oldest friend.

Could'nt sleep last night, my mind was tired but my body restless, even a sleeper did'nt help so i sat up to who knows what time watching Midnight Express on +1, have seen it umpten times but still enjoy the story. It had been several years since i last watched it and i don't know if it's because i no what is going to happen i was looking at diferent things just to see if he really did go mad or was it a ploy, his eye's gave away much more this time than i had ever noticed.

Have complained to Asda today as they have stopped stocking my little snack packs of olives with feta, now i have to buy a bigger pack of olives and seperate cheese which i is no happy about, i like my 99p snack pack to nibble on once a week in bed.

Was wanting to do something nice today but a friend of carebears is down visiting her Dad so i've been blown out, still have another day off so tomorrow will do something nice, might fix the brakes on my bike later and jst go a ride along the canal bank and if it's sunny stop off at the underwood lockhouse for a ginger beer and watch the barges drift by. Must remember to phone MSP, carebear got her letter and i've to contact the secretery to arrange a date to go through to the Scottish Parlie, oh would'nt it be nice if Mr S was there so i could watch him crumble like a packet of cheese and onion.

So last night we watched Derren Brown and being the sad peeps that we are we took part. Carebear drew circles and triangles, i drew an old fasioned clock radio and a suspention bridge (say drew in reality it was scribbles).It turned out the picture in question was circles with in circles (forgot name for it) and had dashes within representing stonhenge. If you twist it to your way then we could have both been right, her with her circles and triangles, my pic had circles and oblong shapes for the speakers. But then it is they way we interpret things.
On a saturday morning i watch Sat Kitchen on b1, i have noticed on alot of these cookery shows that they are now using slate to serve food on, this has been going on for several months now, thing is it's not a new concept, when we go0 away camping i dont take pots i just find a bit of slate wash it in the loch and use it to cook on, it gived food a great taste and it's disposable so if it breaks then hayhoo it is added to the bricks around the fire to make our d.i.y stove higher.
Not peeved that i had to stay in last night i'm peeved at the fact my Daughter sat for over an hour looking out the window looking for him, as i have said in a previous comment unless he is dead there is no excuse, he can't hurt me but he is messing with a childs head. She has once again came to the conclusion that she is second best to him. I did'nt bad mouth him, i done it once before in sheer anger and felt so bad after it i wanted the ground to swallow me whole. This something no-one wants to think about but what if something happened to me, what would hapen to her? My Mum is down as being a gaurdian should anthin happen and i have life insurance and a pension that she would recieve and it's a tidy sum that would mean my mum could stop working to care for her. If he found out her financial security i'm sure he would try and get full custody and being her dad then courts would take that into consideration.
Well it's a no to bad day here, enough sun to hang washing out and have the windows open wide but not to warm that a picnic is in order.
Tomorrow we might be going to the zoo, i got asked weeks ago if i wanted in on this trip organised by the community centre, as we were meant to be in Manchesta this weekend i said no but when that went belly up i asked if we could be included in on the trip, it was too late but as the centre will be charged 17 quid for each person who can't make it we are on the reserve list. There are loads of sickly bugs going around just now so chances are i'll get a call at 8 tomorrow telling us to get or butts in gear. If i don't then we shall still do something. M&D's seems to be the course we will take but i quite fancy a trip to the Science centre and a pop into the imax cinema for the latest Harry Potter in 3d. May the battle of wills commence.
Oh food last night was gorgeous, i had a kung po beef with noodles and carebear had a sweet and sour. Our local takeaway does 7 different sweet and sours...all i could say when she went through the list of them was erm just a plain bog standard scottish sweet n sour, she got it right, chicken balls seperate sauce rice and prawn crackers.
As a few know my bestest mate in the whole wide world has moved in behind me, my other mate who moved here does'nt know she is here yet as she is in Egypt just now. I have told her that i will put milk bread eggs etc in her kitchen for her arrival home, we are going to take a pic of us both standing in her kitchen and leave it on the fridge to see if she twigs.

Please join me in remembering a great icon of the entertainment
community. The Pillsbury Doughboy died yesterday of a yeast infection and trauma complications from repeated pokes in the belly. He was 71.

Doughboy was buried in a lightly greased coffin. Dozens of celebrities turned out to pay their respects, including Mrs.
Butterworth, Hungry Jack, the California Raisins, Betty Crocker, the Hostess Twinkies, andCaptain Crunch. The grave site was piled high with flours.

Aunt Jemima delivered the eulogy and lovingly described Doughboy as a man who never knew how much he was kneaded.
Doughboy rose quickly in show business, but his later life was filled
with turnovers. He was considered a very smart cookie, but wasted much of his dough on half-baked schemes.

Despite being a little flaky at times, he still was a crusty old man
and was considered a positive roll model for millions. He never
failed to rise to the occasion.

Doughboy is survived by his wife Play Dough, three children: John Dough, Jane Dough and Dosey Dough, plus they had one in the oven. He is also survived by his elderly father, Pop Tart..

I am sitting here waiting on chinese to be delivered for carebear and myself. Thought since her dad stil has'nt appeared to pick her up i better feed her. Only problem is that as i was under the impression she was away for the weekend and i was going ot for food then my shop could have waited until tomorrow when i was at a lose at what to do.
Oh well at least the hair is done lip line away and have beautifull shaped eye's I know her being her is deliberate as when fuck face phoned earlier she let slip that i was going out for a few drinks with friends. So the money i had put aside for this little adventure tonight is now being used for a takeaway crisps and a tin of choccies. Will put our feet up watch a dvd paint each others nails and if she asked nicely enough a wee foot rub.
Who am i kiddin i'm sat here seething because i should be sat in a nice pub in town getting wooed by a prospective boytoy (oh yeah he's younger too) I should be sat with butterflys in my tummy and having nervous giggles. I should be dressed to the nines and looking stunning and smelling great (not that i'm stinky) I should be orderig cocktails and checking my phone whilst he's at the bar. Nah it's never going to happen until my daughter is 21 and i finally trust her not to have wild partys in my absence.
Right i'm off to blow my nose and wipe the eye liner off before it starts to trail down my cheeks.

Well m hair is anyway, i've had it blue now for what seems like most of the year, i alternate between red and other colours but with the autumn approaching i thought i'd go deep red. It's actually scarlet power intense red. Probably won't work proper because the blue is so dark but i need it red for the birthday party so at least by the time that comes round it wil have had numerous red dyes through it.
Might even give my hair a wee trim too oh feck it i'll give all my hair a wee trim. Oh i' getting quite excited about tomorrow night now, was thinking of my red skirt black tights and black lace top with a red vest top under it. Even contemplating wearing kitten heels as my red sannies are goosed. Now all i need is it to not rain as my irish curls will frizz up then hitting hot pubs will make it look like i dried it whilst standing on a nylon rug.
I'm not much of a make up person but i do love my nail polish so maybe just a hint of foundation and bronzing pearls and a touch of eye liner. Got a few samples of perfume from botts today so will wear one of them since i can't find the schoossy bit from my Sensi perfume.
He likes his music so at least the conversation is sorted, he works in I.T so wil pick his brains about a few things. And if it turns out to be a crap night well such is life, it shant though as i have'nt been out in ages so i will make the most of it regardless

Yip tonight i'm going to set a few hours aside and bring out the waxing pot and scream in pain as i attempt to do that dreaded lip line, shape my eye brows and scream in horror as i do my legs. Don't know why i'm bothering with the legs i'm going to wear tights on this "date" tomorrow night. Now if anyone wants to do there nose i'll be meeting Mr B outside the concert hall then taking him (well he will be taking me) to BUCHOWSKI up in charing cross (no doubt spelt that wrong) Then might wander up to Ashton Lane. Infact i'll probably end up in Firewater in Sauchiehall street as it is my local and i like the vibe in there. Oh if it's nice we'll go to buchs as they have a great outside seating area which spans 3 tiers and has lot's of places you can sit without practicaly sitting on others. Oh i'm rambling now but i don't care i have'nt been on a date for .....mmmm that long i can't remember.

I spectated at self defence class today, i had forgo tto take my heart tablets this morning and by the time i got up to the centre i was'nt worth a bean, balance was all gone and felt really pants. Did learn a few things whilst watching though and next week were being taught what to do if someone comes at you with a knife, so erm were using real knives.
Have tracked down a pattern in town for my halloween costme so i'll pop into town tomorrow and get the material and pattern oh and i mst remember elastic for the waist. Managed to pick up a bikkini top for 50p out of Dunnes that will go great with the material i want. Mummsie has bought a sewing machine so will have to sweet talk her into me using it as i don't think a hand stitch will do.
Long weekend this weekend and have nothing planned, had promised carebear weeks ago i wold take her to M&D'S so will mabe if the weather hold up spend a day there.
Right i'm off to find a dark corner to sit in as i'm on level 61 of some game and the light is hitting off this stupid screen.

Carebear has found a new friend, a girl ages with her has moved in across the road, she seems like a very nice young girl, says please and thank you (manners is a biggy for me) They came in and told me that Reikas (the girl) mum wanted to speak to me. The whole conversation went over my head. With the aid of my little notebook i can have a bit of a conversation with the Polish girls up at the community garden, just basics like how are you the family etc nothing deep and meaningful. Now it looks like i need to learn basic Hungarian. Why can no one from Lithuania come over and live in my street at least i can ask family to translate that. The local community centre does ESOL classes (engish as a second language) maybe i should see if they do any learn Hungarian classes. Until then you'd be aswell talking gobildygook

Ok so i had a run in with a fellow blogger, i did'nt mention there name never done the whole .......... so peeps could try and guess who it was. I stayed dignified but fuck it, if they insist on writing about me and slating us glasgow peeps at the same time then i'm ready to spill the beans if i see one more hint of my name on his blog, i'm a tolerable person but ffs give it up mate, you can't keep going on about things weeks after the fact. The fact that you never reponded to anything shows that you were in the wrong and as usual everyone else is in the wrong. I have seen you stomp on people here to the point theve gave up on blogs and had to restart only for you to be givien second chances and still managing to squish peeps to the point of despair.

I HAVE NO IDEA HOW YOU PUT UP NO COMMENTS ON THIS POST SO PLEASE DON'T LEAVE COMMENTS, THIS POST IS MORE A "I WANT YOU TO SEE THIS NOT ANYTHING ELSE"

Ok so lot's of alcohol was consumed on satrday night, my bin sounds as if it only has empt bottle's in it. I really need to calm down with vodka, 3 and a half bottles between 2 is horrendous but then a drink was called for on saturday night. I'm convinced one of the bottles must have been water as i did'nt have a hangover just felt really tired. The only thing that i do when feeling tired is cry at the sillyest of things, i broke my heart watching an advert for a kids hospice, x factoe had the tissues out when some guy with a sad story sang his heart out. Yip that's how tired i was i did'nt have the energy to turn the t.v over from that crap. Settled down last night with my blanket and mug of hot chocolate to was The Pianist. My nose was even bubbling with that film. My Granny came over to Scotland during ww2 to escape persecution so i have always been aware from a small age the going's on in Germany during those years.
Oh had bloody nee naws in the street last night again, could hear the helicopter and could see the search light so instead of being trapped 2 nights in a row i went out to get carebear in. This was a completly different thing from Saturday night. A police man had got a bottle smashed over his head. They we're doing door to door but thankfully with it being a few rows up we never got pestered. The street has been so quiet for so long then twice in the one weekend. Hopefully the place will be more calmer til next year now.

Ok i've just put carebear and my my name down for free tickets to go and see strickly come dancing for free at blackpool ballroom. This is the link to the bbc's audience tickets. Way i'm looking at it with the railcard we can get there for twenty quid and get a wee weekend away. There's a few shows to choose from and if you live near any of the venues then it's a cheap night out.

http://shows.external.bbc.co.uk/

Have you ever built up a friendship with someone on the internet and then several months down the line realised that what you have been told etc is the biggest load of poppycock in the world?
I think i am being dupped just now, not by anyone on here but the majority of my "friends" know that i have tried internet dating, i have been talking to a certain person for a few months now and even though my memory is pants i know that they are tripping themselves up.
Why tell porkys? if you really want to get to know someone then truth is better than trying to impress.
This cyber world is a strange place

Not really a moany post more a oh how i miss...

When i kicked carebears dad out my flat in Glasgow i had no choice but to move because of all the threats i was getting, windows getting bricked, his stupid girlfriend trying to take the buggy off me and throw it on the road, threatening phone calls and letters. I basicly lived my life in fear for a month before i told my mum what had ben happening and she packed a bag for carebear and myself and took us to live with her. My Mum slept on her sofa for a year so carebear and myslf had a bed to sleep in.

The flat (or broken nest as i call it now) was my pride and joy, yeah it was a council place and only had one bedroom but it was mine. Was in an area of glasgow that i had always wanted to live because it was more like a we village than a scheme. When i was told the year previous that the flat i was in and being demolished i was asked where i wanted decanted too. Without hesitation i told them where i wanted, the council told me no chance that area was a 10 year wait....i was the last person in my street to move because i was'nt budging unless i got rehoused there. The demolishers were due to start taking down the old street on 30th August i was still in my flat on the 28th. I got the area i wanted, viewed it whilst the other tennants were still in it. That was a tad weird, never known the council to do that. The people were moving to a bigger flat but not til the middle of September. My furtniture went into storage and the council put me in a homeless flat in the middle of one of the worst areas in the east end. Everytime we left that place we would unplug the t.v, video player (no dvds then) and stereo and hide them in a wardrobe.
When viewing the new nest the woman who was moving agred to sell me her blinds, carpets and the kitchn units she had put in along with the shower and other fittings, Now the council go in a rip out everything that does'nt have a council stamp on but we persuaded the housing officer not to do a clean up. She also gave me spare keys so i could start moving stuff into the celler. The day she was moving i was up helping.
I loved my flat it was where i wanted, across the road from a park and 10 minutes from work. Even when i fell pregnant i was determined that one bedroom was fine. I had decorated it in my favorite colours, it was home not just somewhere to sleep.
Had a dream about that little place last night.
I have now a 2 town house, large garden (too large) garage driveway (no car) large kitchen, but i still yearn for that little nest.

Yesterday at the Speakeasy course we we're divided into groups and asked on the spot questions and statements that a chid might come away with, My question to ask was "What does gay mean?" I got a variety of answers, somer eally good and others that totally confused me but everyone brings children up diffrently so no answer was wrong.
The question i wsa to answer was "Your 15 year old daughter tells you that she thinks she might be pregnant" That has got to be the worst scenario for any Mum. I answered that i would support her but first must get it confirmed, go through choices. This was kinda roleplay so i gave my partner a hug told her it would be ok we would get through it blah blah.
That question bugged me all night, i came to the conclusion that if it happens then it is'nt her i should be disappointed with but myself. We have such a close relationship and if asked i do answer any question, she's my arm's and i'm her legs, we really can't function without each other. Don't know if any of that made sense to anyone.

Anyways that's the wee photography course over and i was really sad because i had got really close to a woman there, she's in her late 60's and such a wonderful person. Gave her a big hug and told her i'd miss her so she gave me her phone number and we're going to met up for coffee. It's weird but we just clicked, oh she's the woman i said would make a great blogger.

Ah is anyone else finding there seems to be a lack of frsh air just now? I feel that my lungs have'nt had a good intake in such a long time

Watched LULU on Loose Women today, now she hails from the land of weeginess dennistoun to be precise, lived up a close and babysat my older cousins when they were little. Now if you come from the east end of Glasgow then the chances are you sound more Marydoll than barbie doll. If i had'nt heard her being introduced i would'nt have thought for one moment that was her. Cross between a london and american accent. Ok i appreciate that she's traveled extensivly and lived all over the globe but is she ashamed of her roots? I'm not saying she should talk like a fish wife but it's as if she's completly dismissed her roots.

Ok bear with this one, they chat for the first minute and few seconds but i reacon it's worth the wait

Do the majority of bloggers stop what there doing at 5 to 9 and get comfortable for notbob quiz? And how many feel dejected after recieveing loads of comments back saying "nope" from the lovely guy who puts alot of time and effort into creating a release for us on wednesday nights?

Cheers Rob, now whats the answer to number 9?

Was put on my ass umpteen times this morning. You honestly would'nt believe how easy it is to get someoe down there licking dust off the ground. I'm not a strong person to begin with, i have numerous pins holding my back together so upper body strength is nanty legs however would put a footballer to shame. Now we keep getting told reaction is the key, if your aware of your surroundings then the chances of surprise are limited but what did i do..the guy (instructor ex american marine and a bit scrummy) came up behind me and i crumbled in laughter, i was supposed to be getting out a hold it turned into a cuddle then me being ragdolled about the hall with him shoting "see how easy it is for you to be attacked" I let him off with it as i did'nt want to hurt him and have the other girls laugh at him sprawled by a tiny creature.

Well ni have kinda sold the WII, never again will i run ragged the week before christmas. Have told carebear that the money is going towards spends for Greece, if the woman comes through with the money tomorrow like she has promised then i'm going straight up to the post office and exchanging it for Euros so neither of us are tempted to spend the odd fiver. When i got the WII her dad promised to buy her a game ever 6 weeks she has 3 games for it and i refuse to pay forty quid + for games that get lost scratched or used as frissbies.

This years biggie prezzie is a bike, have been popping into halfords every week and buying vouchers so that when the sales hit she can go and pick a really good one, the old bike will be kept as my bike is goosed and i can ride her other one as it's a small womans. Have told family i am cutting right back, i usually get family something from me and a small thing from carebear....not this year the tags will have both names on.

Suppose i should go wash my hair, self defence today and it's my turn to get put on my ass, not looking forward to that one little bit.

Bombard you all with a wee bit of music....May i present to you THE HOURS, been around for a couple of years i think there fab....

Hope you enjoyed

With the sad news that Patrick Swayze lost his battle against that grueling disease i was going to post a clip from youtube but it seems that every post has been disabled so i cannot copy the code. I assume this is because of the demise of the great man who let's be honest had every girl in the 80's singing and dancing in the there bedrooms.
Great man great inspiration , might even have a wee bubble later whislt watching Dirty Dancing on DVD

I only emailed the MSP half an hour ago and just got a response....My apologies to Brooke the letter wil be in the post this week along with a special invite to the Parliment buildings.

Go girl i love my bear so much....even when i do want to ground he for being a cheeky numpty

I seemed to have lost it at the weekend, i think it left with carebear on Friday night. Saturday i slept most of the day Sunday was boring, i wanted to go to the Green and take part in the can can thing but with her being away and most people who i told about it laughed at the cheesyness. Have heard through the grape vine it was an excellant day. Monday i done nothing, gave the course on a monday a miss, don't think i'll be going back to it, i said last week it did'nt rock my boat and the thought of sitting for 2 hours yesterday did'nt give me the inclination to even get out my jammies never mind wash my face.

Today it's back, went on my Tuesday hike which was good and the sun was out so happy days. Came home and cleared out my wardrobe of skirts and tops that i'll never wear infact most of the clothes stil had the tags on them, My mate is off to Egypt tomorrow so gave them over to her for her teenage daughter who i'm sure will make more use of them than me.

I need a purpose just now to make me shift my lazy arse and even red bull is making me sleepy. Emailed the MSP again because carebear still has'nt got her letter and the poor thing is like a puppy whenever the postman comes round. Wording an email that does'nt sound cheeky is really hard when your basically wanting to say "hewl hector you said..." Wait and see if i get a reply if not then i'm going to have one disappointed bear on my hands and no doubt i'll be to blame (i should'nt have told her in the first place)

Oh Carebears dad has told her that he wont know when he wil see her next as he is starting work in 2 weeks, i text him and told him there's nothing stopping him from coming through during the week and taking her out for dinner or go to cinema etc, got a message back saying that if he only has 2 days off then he will need them to himself......selfish fuckin grrrrr.

Is anyone else having problems with fruit flies? They seem to be attracted to my little nest

Was sat outside last night with one of the neighbours when the wee old wife from the flats opposite came up to us, she talked total pooh but thats fine, nice night wee old lady probably wanting a bit of company, she's carebears friends granny so carebear kinda knows her. She dropped a bombshell....girls i'm really out here because i'm scared to sit in my house. We looked at each other and asked her why. She had found a rat in her grandsons toybox. It was'nt a pet one either. Enviromantal health had been phoned but wouldnt be able to come out til Monday. You know when you start itching and can't stop? well that was me. Went in the house and brought her out a cup of tea.

The community police walked by so i asked them if they could help her. No they looked more scared than us, loads of excuses to why they can't do it in the end i called them shitbags...2 young strapping lads and they couls'nt help an old woman.

When it come's to the elderly well infact anyone older than me who's in a state of helplessness i always think how i would feel if someone did'nt help my granny or muum. So a wee drink i had to build up the courage to even suggest that i woud try and deal with it.

Armed with details of where it was hiding and a rather large shovel and 90 pairs of socks over my hands i made the slow walk over to her close. I am the biggest woos in history, i see a spider and i'm on the chair screaming like a baby.

The rat was there beady eye's looking up but it was'nt a rat but a wee fiels mouse, Mice i'm fine with, when i was 5 or 6 we lived near a farm for a while so field mice where common. Into a box he did go and took him over the bridge and let him go in the woods.

THE GREATION OF A PUSSY,SEVEN WISE MEN WITH KNOWLEDGE SO FINE CREATED A PUSSY TO THERE DESIGN, FIRST WAS A BUTCHER SMART WITH WIT USING A KNIFE HE GAVE IT A SLIT, SECOND A CARPENTER STRONG AND BOLD WITH A HAMMER AND CHISEL HE GAVE IT A HOLE, THIRD WAS A TAILOR TALL AND THIN USING RED VELVET HE LINED IT WITHIN, FOURTH WAS A HUNTER SHORT AND STOUT WITH THE FUR FROM A FOX HE LINED IT WITHOUT, FIFTH WAS A FISHERMAN NASTY AS HELL THREW N A FISH AND GAVE IT A SMELL, SIXTH WAS A PREACHER WHOSE NAME WAS MCGHEE TOUCHED IT AND BLESSED IT AND SAID IT COULD PEE, LAST WAS A SAILOR A DIRTY WEE RUNT SUCKED IT AND FUCKED IT AND CALLED IT A CUNT.

GIRL TALKS HER BOYFRIEND INTO TRING A NEW DRINK, SHE ORDERS A SALT SHAKER SHOT OF BAILEYS IRISH CREAM AND A SOT OF LIME. FIRST YOU LICK THE SALT OF YOUR HAND THEN YOU DRINK THE BAILEYS THEN DOWN THE LIME JUICE, IN 1 SECOND THE SHARP LIME JUICE HITS HIS TASTE BUDS IN 2 SECONDS THE BAILEYS CURDLES AT 3 SECONDS THE THE SALTY CURDLED TASTE TURNS INTO MUCOUS AT 4 SECONDS HIS GAG REFLEXES ARE TRIGGERED, BEING MANLY HE SWALLOWS THE FOUL TASTING DRINK, TURNS TO HIS GIRLFRIEND AND SAYS "WHAT THE FUCK WAS THAT"? ....GIRLOFRIEND SMILES SWEETLY AND TELLS HIM "BLOW JOB REVENGE"

MARY HAD A LITTLE TWAT
A TWEENY LITTLE HOLE
BUT JOHNNY COULD'NT FIT OVER HIS MANLY POLE
HE SUCKED ER TITS
LICKED HER CLIT
AND TRIED TO SQUEEZE IT IN
BUT NOTHING SEEMED TO WORK FOR HIM
HE COULD'NT FUCKIN WIN
SO MARY DRANK ALOT OF WINE
SHE SMOKED A BIT OF GRASS
AND JUST AS SHE WAS PASSING OUT
HE SHOVED IT UP HER ARSE

IMAGINE IF ALL MAJOR RETAIL COMPANYS STARTED MAKING THERE OWN CONDOMS AND KEPT THERE TAG LINES...TESCO CONDOMS EVERY LITTLE BIT HELPS, NIKE CONDOMS JUST DO IT, PUEGOT CONDOMS THE RIDE OF YOUR LIFE, KFC CONDOMS FFINGER LICKIN GOOD, EVER READY CONDOMS KEEP GOING AND GOING AND GOING, PRINGLES CONDOMS ONCE YOU POP YOU CANT STOP, BURGER KING CONDOMS HOME OF THE WHOPPER, ANDREX CONDOMS SOFT STRONG AND VERY LONG, POLO CONDOMS THE ONE WITH THE HOLE (OOPS)

FAMILY OF PROSTITUTES, DAUGHTER SAYS I GOT 50 QUID FOR A BLOW JOB MUM SAYS IN MY DAY IT WAS A FIVER GRAN SAYS DURING THE WAR WE WERE JUST GLAD OF THE WARM DRINK

Sorry folks blame a friend for bombarding me with emails

Just before my PC dies a few months ago i told BDA i would post some Meatloaf for her...so toots here's your birthday treat from, hope you enjoy

Was speaking to a school home support worker today (it's through her i'm doing all these courses) she came up to me when i was in the community garden and asked if i would maybe talk to a few of the lone parents about various things from shopping to having your first house/flat. I jumped at the idea and we have between us decided to approach the community centre for funding to start a lone parent support group. I'm not activly active in my wee corner of town and do at times feel isolated (well done the internet for being a sanity saver at times) So we are going to set up a meeting with the centre manager and see if we can get a room booked one day a week (got a crece sorted for mums or dads with pre school kids) This will be a fab chalendge for me and every bit helps on the old c.v. The home school home worker has helped me loads over the months just pointing me in the right direction of odds and ends.

I also suggested that maybe we should do something for EID as we have loads of veg and herbs that the slugs are getting more fun from than us so we are going to organise a night at the centre and have a huge feast with all the parents and children.

All i need to do now is get my arse to uni and get a few qulifications and get a paid job in the place.

I have just had my first bath in ........2 years or is it more. No i'm not a clink i just prefer the shower. Back was breaking, this cold has got into every bone rendering me to a pit of insanity. I want to chop my nose off as it is'nt working so i have a useless bump on my pretty little face. Sneezed so hard yesterday when i was bringing in the washing that my nose stud flew out, could'nt find a spare so had to get one today and repierce the bloody thing. You would think after 17 years it would stay open for at least 24 hours, carebear reacons it was dried snot that stopped the stud from just sliding in. I also want a new bed or at least a matress..cant see that happening before March, i am so tempted to sleep on the sofa tonight but will resist as it's still brand new and not a bed.
Hope the twat across the road does'nt start screaming like she did at 2 o'clock this morning..friggin numpty that she is, quicker she moves the better. The street has been semi quiet for such a long time that any noise wakes me with a fright and then it takes me hours to dose off again.
Carebears going away to her dads til sunday tomorrow night so will take over her bed for 2 nights, i love her bed it is so comfy and with it being at the back of the house it's so peaceful. Right enough moaning the night nurse is kicking in and reaper has just started so i'm off to bed to chillax, oh bought a book today so might start that..Russel Brands auto so will no doubt be funny in parts.

ni night all and sweet dreams to you all

This song has been going round my head all day so thought i'd be nice and share it

Oh yeah course today, was mostly written work on when do you talk to children about different things...once i have got my homework done i'll post the general outline, can't upload it as my writing is tiny and very hard to read by anyone else, but i shall try my best to give as much info that i can

Self defence class was great, being the tiny person i am i still managed to get peeps on there butts, woohoo go me. Thing is if i goot caught out in life i'd probably forget half the stuff...excuse me mr atacker but can you come at me from a diferent angle i have'nt learned any other techniques yet. So i'm thinking maybe i should start hanging about undesirable area so i can practice, only kidding of course.

I was a tad scared i'd accidently hurt one of the other learners with my nails, carebear once ran into me and my nail went right through her forehead, she still has the scar and delights in telling peeps that i done that to her (don't know why social work have never chapped my door)

Apparently the things i do just now are okay, i carry a tin of b.o.dorant up my sleeve if i'm walking home late at night and i don't wear heels so i can run plus heels echo making it harder to hear if someone comes up behind you. I did learn loads and had a good laugh while learning new things.

So see this space it's mine....invade it at your pearl

I have decided that rather than leaving the speakeasy stuff to the end of the course before uploading that i will start today under the survival group, after all for us parents puberty is survival of the fittest. Don't know how much use it will be but i know from experience that a few of the courses i have done has made me more tolerant to carebear when she goes into warewolf mode

Was going to post loads girlie jokes under this title but being a female is funny enough. BDA spoke of heels earlier, last time i wore heels was last christmas, got to my mums house and she got me new slippers so i ditched the heels and wore them for the rest of the day, infact my mum liked the heels so much i left them with her.
Last night carebear shouted me upstairs, "mum somethings not right down there" she had a discharge so we had the whole talk on how our bodys change. Scary thing is she got dressed in my room the other morning and i had to gently say to her that i thought one of the bras i got her should maybe be put on. Yip those little buds are flourishing into boobs. I was trying to remember when i got the dreaded monthlys and i'm sure i was 13, are kids developing younger? is society taking away the childhood earlier and earlier? Don't get me wrong carebear stands at a great height of 4'6 and only 9 , her hips are getting wider but still has a gorgeous firgure along with that blonde hair, The health visitor done the height thing when she was a toddler and said she thought at full height she would stand a tall 6'1, i'm only 5'1 so at least i know my clothes are safe, shame that can't be said for my shoes, we are both a size 5.

Knew i was coming down with something, i'll blame Saturday for all the fresh air and rain, my nose really is'nt working. Woke up really early this morning. All the weekly ironing has been done and put away instead of lying in a pile on the dining table. What woke me up, well i thinki i might be tripping as it was the sun, thats what it looks like i thought, bright and warm...oh how i've missed it, the sky is blue not a cloud in it. It must be a plot as it has'nt been sunny for sych a long time, i even considered changingh radio station because i was fed up hearing London was 27 degrees yesterday.

So today is (drum roll) self defence, i can't do much but if i watch i'll get the general idea, it's pressure points i want to know. The woman who organises all these classes said yesterday wear joggie bottoms and trainers. Why i thought if i get attacked chances are i'll be wearing jeans and sanshoes so that's what i've laid out, besides i don't own any joggies they make my cute ass look huge.

I'm away to blow m nose on something soft and try and prise this nose stud off the side of my nose, oh the joys. Actually been having a few probs since i turned 33 with my piercings , lost numerous balls from the belly one, mu nip has been seeping white shit and the others just seem to hate me, well apart from the one i had to get really wasted before getting it...ladies it's a great place for a piercing but bloody hell the pain.

Had a peek at a bloggers page, had to really BOL , they want someone to leave them alone because of comments left.

This is the same blogger who was giving me shit last week. I did say karma would bite him on the anus, just did'nt realise karma worked this quickly

Woke up this morning feeling fine, there was something special on my mind..right i'm stopping, had to go up to Asda before taking carebear to school as i forgot she needed a packed lunch today (dunno how i forgot i only found out yesterday) got there grabbed a sandwich juice fruit a yougart and all the other crap a day at the farm entails. Went up to the walking club looking like a droont rat because of the torrential rain. Everyone was a drowned rat, yes we all have poiny noses and ears. Took a group vote that because of the rain and wind a little coffee morning would be more appropriate. We ended up playing countdown, you do not know how ecstatic i was when i got the numbers round right. Half way through the game i could smell a smell and not a nice smell, then it donned on me, the last time i wore my walking boots was when i was away camping, thats when i had fell in the bog walked through quagmyers and fell like a sack o tatties, the smell was getting worse as someone turned the heating on, i was rather and apologised to all, found the cleaner and asked her for some odour nutraliser, spraying boots with the stuff does hee haw. So we sat with heating on windows open, i did sugest i go home but being a nice bunch they said stay it's fine.
After that i plodded along to the job centre as i had arranged an interview with the lone parent advisor, waste of bloody time, i check the j.c every other day and i know all the vacencys off by heart, the woman said i was being to choosey i said i was'nt as i have no support at home for watching carebear and i had to get something where the days and hours suited, then she went onto what training was on offer, no it is'nt helpful that i do little courses everyday, do you want to go on one to be a catering assistant, no i don't, your being picky, no i'm a fuckin qualified chef that trained in fine dining not pot washing, by the way nowt wrong in pot washing i've done it before and i'll do it again but i'm not wasting 10 weeks learning how to squirt washing up liquid into a sink. How about training to be a football coach, erm can i direct you to my ankle where you will see it is supported by a brace at the moment, besides i just about know the offside rule and with the amount i smoke i'd be dead if i tried to run to the centre of a pitch. Mandatory drug tests too which nah because i do slip every now n then and have a smoke of the tomato plant or take a wee whiff of something else. So maybe i am being choosey but ffs last time i shaved my legs it was only because i thought i was onto a promise....j.c was a waste of time.

Then trotted over to a mate's phoned her first to say i would be late had to go home and wash my feet burn my socks and stick magic trees in my boots, decide to leave it as it would have meant i would have to run well hobble after i had food, i sat near her window whilst eating my tinned soup, left hers, i'm sure the air freshner was getting squirted before i even had my jacket on.

Came home, chucked socks in bin and have put god knows how much shoe deodoriser in my boots, left them outside in the porch, found my nice river island foot scrub and soak, washed the old tootsies and urika remembered the foot spa in the bottom cupboard, brought it out got settled infront of deal or no deal and poured in the foot soak, ah relaxing til i looked down and realised that infact the foot soak bubbles up

Result is my feet now smell of beauty and have had the peg egg ran over them just to get rid of smelly skin.
So not only did i look like a rat i also smelt like one, my sympaties BDA i know how you feel when gardener pops round

Just going through school letters that i had to sign this morning because a certain little bear forgot to give me them on Friday,she has a trip tomorrow to a farm, it's for inner city kids..very good but my house looks onto the country park so it's not really concrete jungle. Still it's a great experience and i'm confident that she will gain alot of knowledge from it and really pt her heart into it.
The bit i don't understand is that the letter was sent out friday and i've to buy her wellies as trainers and boot's are'nt allowed, well i'm so sorry school but a bit of notice like at least a week would have been nice, she will be going in her hiking boots as i hav'nt got a spare tenner between now and tomorrow to go buy her new wellies.

Walking up to that class this morning three times this came on the ipod and three times someone asked me a bloody question. No one should disturb me when ear plugs are in and i've got my indie swagger going on, oh and yeah i have got a more attitude walk than Liam Gallacher

I start another course this morning, How to be more assertive, yeah i hear to cry out that i'm already assertive but i'm a cocky confident kinda person. I have no problem telling some people no but others i just cave in and tell them to take there pound of flesh. I am (believe it or not) to nice at times, i don't let people extract the urine but i sometimes don't stop them either.
I know no-one who's going to be there and i'm a tad worried about that as the whole walking into a room of strangers makes my already irregular heart go potty, my palms will sweat to the point that i won't be able to open the door, i will have no idea what to do with my hands if we have to do group stuff, if i need a wee i will sit and quietly watch the time click by and then hope i can stand up without anything escaping.
Told you i'm a cocky confident

I saw you tapping your foot

No i'm not posting another Beatles tune so you can skip past if you loke.

As a few know we done our trip to Largs to see the Viking Festival, I shall start with the beginning of our day although my head is like mince so i'll probably confus you all.

We got to Largs at roughly half 11, as we decended on the small seaside town i had a feeling there might be a few tantrums as the carnival was there and i only had 25 pound with me and some of that was for dinner and and a trip to Vikingar visitor centre.

When we got off the bus it really was a case of put yor hood up your ears will get cold. Had a walk down by the sea front and to just see what was what, we found the scottish farmers market.....now we have the whole 'oh only here for the day and can't really carry anything but do you do samples?' So a pre lunch snack we got , it was mainly bits of bread that you could dip in various sauces but they were all very scrummy. I was polite and asked if they had websites and done delivery as there was a few i'd try again but they were expensive. Then in the corner i spotted it, Loch Fyne fisheries. I'm not a huge seafood fan infact i'm not a fan at all but last year at conect i had sampled a few of there delicasys, so we opted for a couple of oysters ..oh yum yum, a squirt of lemon sauce and a shake of chilli and ni had done my chew 3 times and swallow. Only one other person on the trip tried them and we made a promise not to start kissing each other later in the bus. Then a trip to the European market , more free samples, some of the cheeses were gorgeous others i had to try and spit out because they tasted like my socks after i've been camping for a week. Some really nice meat and sausages and oh lala the pastries...i thought i'd died and gone to the great gig in the sky.

Made our way (by this point it was just carebear my mate and her daughter) to Vikingar centre, we we're paying seperatly but woman said it was better to get a family ticket so we saved a few quid (enough for a couple of shots at the carnival) Joined the tour and this is where i get lost...not literally just so much information crammed in in such a short space of time. The food they ate, mostly porridge but with twists of seafood added or meat they had caught, the girls were married off at 12 and any younger brothers would be sent packing. The average life for a viking was 25 so i guess that at 12 you would be more like late 30's.
I found out what Valhalla really meant, i always thought it was hell but no it is when a viking dies his soul will be in eternal battle so long as he died in battle with a sword in his hand. I also found out the phrase "breaking out of hell" means...the godess Hell would cut the nails of the dead and build a ship, if she succeded in building it she could break out of hell. Oden was the gog of gods and had lost an eye at the well of knowledge, the well was kept guard by an asp who would only allow Oden to drinl out it if he gave an eye..so he did and he got all the knowledge of the present and future. Found out how the vikings came to be in Scotland, can't mind the guys name, but he was the head of his house and he moved his wife and child over to start farming, many followed him to the richer land and then the king of Norway went potty demanded tax off them and thats when the battles started. there is more to this story but head like mince and don't want to give wrong facts. In the end up Norweigan vikings battled with the now scottish one's, 2 endings to the story one being the Scots won the other the Norweigan won.

Left the Vikingar centre and went to have lunch, found a spot out the wind and rain but it was a works smoking spot but there was somewhere to sit and we did'nt get asked to move so it was fine. Had another walk down by the front and found a battle reinactment, it was really well done, all the costumes and weaponary, pics are at the bottom, along with other random pics.

Went up the high street, bad idea the kids were getting bored to the point my mates kid walked away, (this is a positive post so al i'll say is it turned out good) Spent a bit of time on my own with carebear looking at the various shops that sell over preiced tat then done a sneaky and went to the carnival and she had a wee shot of one o the rides. I can't watch her on ride's my belly churns but she loves them (i hate the fact she's tall at times) Went back up the toon and found a butchers seling real haggis, had to get a pic of it, it was fab.

Took a look in the museum, it was stinky of damp and oldness, i had to go out for fresh air. It was'nt that great to be honest but it kept us warm for 10 minutes. Found my mate and we went a wee stoat, had told the kids that it would be at least 5 o'clock before we went for dinner so please stop going in moods. Got told about a little place that was cheap but nice so we had already decided to go there. For al there's really nice places by the sea front it would have cost a fortune to eat in. Kids made it through to 5 o'clock without to many scorned looks. It was nice, i just opted for a snack of cheese and chips and carebear wanted something more substantial, i did'nt have the funds to get a full meal but as i don't really eat that was fine, i prefer to eat just before i go to bed.

After dinner we walked back down to the front and let the kids have a shot of the rides, carebear had to pick the one i was most feart about so my mate watched as i talked to someone else.Got my seashells, well the kids did, i did'nt fanc a walk on the beach as my trousers were already stuck to me but kids don't mind for some reason.

Found out where the longboat was going to be set alight so made our way there, was quite a walk but we got there found an ok spot and watched a bigger reinactmeant, we were qiute far away but got a few piccies. Because of the rough sea they could'nt do what they wanted with the longboat and i was at the other side of the pencil so was a bit gutted i missed that, did get a few piccies but not great.Was told by a woman (very nice she was) that they had done a boat last night as a local man had died a few weeks ago and wanted a viking send off spo they put his ashes in the boat and set it off to sea. I think that's great and even though it would have been a private family moment i would'nt have minded seeing it.

Then the fire works but alas it was time to go and get the bus, it was a long day and i did'nt mind missing most of the fireworks. Got back to the bus, loads of tired people and a few unhappy drunks which i won't go into as i did'nt let it spoil our day.

Now for the boring bit...piccies

Actualy the weather was alright , it did rain and was very breezy but thats what rain jackets and scarfs are for. Had a fab time got some piccies which i'll upload tomorrow and a few storys all about vikings which i'll do your head in with....Right now i'm going to my kip, 10 hours of sea air makes one rather tired

I hate the cold dark nights now there srawing in, snow i don't mind until it turns to slush but this is getting beyond a joke now. We are day tripping it to Largs tomorrow for the viking festival, we leave here at 10 and don't get back til roughly 12 hours plus. I have prepared a picnic of sandwiches chicken wings cut up fruit for the yougarts and even bought fizzy juice. The weather looks like rain all day so will need to find somwhere cheap and cheerful where we can spend a few hours before the festivities begin. I will be taking my sad excuse of a camera as i have never been and looking forward to the whole thing. I have set some money aside for the famous Nardinis ice cream parlour, not a huge fan of ice cream but this place is to die for.
Carebear has set her alarm clock as she wants to get up and shower before we leave, can't do it tonight as she's checking her predictions she made for who will win Big Brother...we're both backing Sophie now...carebear has a wee thing for Halfwit Freddie (it's his bald head !!! she has a thing about bald heads) ..oh look at the time it's final eviction (TFFT)

Could'nt get to sleep so i watched bbc news coverage of micheal jackson funeral, i must have been glued to the t.v for hours just watching ariel views over the cemetrey and the family home. Apparently is was going to be a sunset service but it was after dark before the family made there way to the burial ground. Several theors were getting tossed around like his mother is elderly,sometimes family find it hard when it comes to the last goodbye (which lets be honest it bloody hard saying goodbye to a loved one) and a sugestion that the family may have delayed themselves so that it would be dark therefore making it harder for peeps to get a photo opportunity. I thought for a while that it was an elaborate set up and that the deed had been done in private. Carebear woke up for a pee just as the family was leaving and came into my room plonked herself in my bed and told me to turn the t.v off, no doubt it will be on the news later so i will try and watch it, not sure why maybe t's my morbid side coming out.

Don't even know how i managed to do anything this morning, woke up at 10 to 9 made carebear a quick breakfast and she was only 15 minutes late for school, i know still not right but being honest she had a late night i got wrecked etc (bad mummy) so i wold have considered giving her the day off. Made it to my class on time, i really need a new camera for this photography class but i just aint got the spare pennys but i am still learning oads so it will come in handy for when i can afford it. Carebears going to Greece next year and thats costing me 600 quid before the spending money new clothes and everything else that comes with a fortnight in the sun. I am not going my mum is taking her, my cosin is getting married over there and wants the whole family to attend, not possible for us both to go but hey i get to go to Glastonbury so i'm as happy as a pig in pooh.

There's this real nice woman on the photography course and i have never thought of this before for anybody but i think she would make an excellant blogger, she may already be, the storys she tells and her whole persona is just fab. Might suggest it to her next week when were having a coffee break.

Glasvegas.... kept there feet on the ground throughout there success...dont think so..when was the last time i heard from my mate Rab, that would be just before they went to the States and recorded there first album.
(only on this trip because i just got an email from bebo saying they had poted a new blog).
Can i point out that if it was'nt for Dominic Diamond (friend and radio/t.v presenter) promoting them caroline would still be in that charity shop (and btw bongos are not drums) Rab would still be working in the ginger factory, and as for James hmm, lucky break guys but as i said before your a one album hit.

Donna is annoyed and showing the world

My Mum and her partner took me and carebear out for dinner as a way to say sorry for not even texting me on my birthday (worst b/day ever but heyhoo) i had a fab evening and to top it off i was treated to my fav resteraunt,i came home and sat at the back door having a cig and my pal walked past, she returned 5 minutes later with a bottle of my favorite spirit full of apologys for not coming round on saturday. Told her it was fine as i was not well with a migrane and yes i really was in my bed at 9 o'clock on saturday night. Drank bottle of voddoo and was in high spirits, well as high as i can be on a half bottle of the v (i drink a bottle to myself most times) another mate popped his seedy head round the door and gave me a bag of weed (going to give it to another mate) happy fuckin daze, even managed to pin boytoy down well not litterally i'm going to cuff him to the bed next weekend. So why was my night spoiled....see previous post, i'm off to my kip.
Oh and before i forget beef sandwich was awful could'nt swallow and i'm a swallower, had a lamb dish at the curry house.. i asked for a doggy bag

I have had a really good night blah blah fuckin blah, i'm fed up with certain peeps on here trying to put me down, you know that delete button well i use it, not because i want to be a fuckin princess or whatever but because on here i can say what i want when i want. You don't like it...tough shit freedom of speech and all that jazz, if i wanted belittled into the ground i would say, i make no apology for this what so ever so if you don't like what i say then go fuck yourself, i have enough shit happening in the "real world" to be bothered by someones attemp to crush me into the ground. I would love it if you said it to my face rather hiding behind a computer screen....in other words your a fuckin twat

Thats the new course i'm doing, it's all about growing up, how to talk to kids bout changes puberty etc. I went to the taster session just before the holibibs and it was so relaxed that i though yeah i'll commit to 10 weeks of this. I really enjoyed it, i knew a few of the other peeps there so no big deep breathe walking into the room 10 minutes late. We done an ice breaker thing where we had to throw a roll of sellotape at each other and tell our names, then round again to tell something bout ourselves. Not a problem first time round my names Donna second time i'm a single parent to a 9 yr old 3rd time i'm so sexally frustrated, i had obviously got into the swing of things when the woman taking it said what gets said in the room stays in the room...well me being me and have the philosophy that when in rome.... I got a few laughs and a wee sneer from someone who looks as if she has a beehive living in her gob. I was only telling the truth.
The course looks quite good, done the 'how the body changes' i was surprised how many questions i asked about boys, well only having a girl i'm not really up there when it comes to boys. I got homework too so no doubt next wednesday night i'll be pulling out the folder and trying to remember everything i have forgot.

So i have been a grumpy arse the last week or so, probably longer. Whilst in bed last night trying to get to the root of the problem i have came up with several ideas

1- since i no longer take that dreaded period am i still getting the symtoms without the mess
2-i recently gave up meat again so is it a lack of protein and iron
3-i'm just becoming a twisted git
4-i had built myself up to much for a fall last weekend
5-a night of passion might be the answer.

So today after class i'm going to go get a nice bit of red meat and have a blowot lunch, if that does'nt help then i dunno i suppose i'll just need to drag myself out of this pit and drag boytoy over to my nest and seduce him (in a nice way)

This has been doing my head in for a few days, i'm currently barred from the local shop for standing up for myself....a while back the shop was done for selling under agers booze, me being me have no sympathy and have asked on regular occasions when there licence is being revoked, It was meant to be yesterday. Onyways i asked the other day if he wanted to sel me a bottle of wine for 6 squid instead of 6.50, i wsa maybe a wee tad bold and was told no, no harm done was just trying m luck.
The dude in the shop asked me something about the young team (has been quiet round here since he got caught) i told him that the kids are hardly about and for that i was thankful as it makes this crummy street a better place, told him how i enjoyed not hearing wine bottles getting smashed and watching kids as young as 11 out there tree. I did go a wee bit over board in my telling him that i hoped his license did get revoked as he did'nt have to live here. I was called an over opinionated white woman, not just over opinionated buy white, yes i am white but if i went in the shop and said your an over opinionated black man i would be hung srawn and quartered. I am not racist, my family are eatern european and irish my ex inlaws are coloured and currently starving themselves, i have a wide range of friends from all over (in life not net) my bestfriends are lesbiens, so why the fuck does he have the right to bring my skin colour into anything? I am reaally upset by this and it has took over me emotionally, fuckin prick

Ok i posted a blog earlier on paulinemom group blog christmas, if your intrested pop over and see it, hey you might thank me, Anyway a visitor posted this comment

Thanks for letting us in on this little gem of a website. I know where ill be getting the gifts for the guests at my Christmas party this year! I used to go to Harrods in London and get everyone a little Christmas tree decoration as a gift, but even that works out to be quite costly.

I would never ever ever imagine that Harrods could turn out to be an expensive place to buy anything......in my world we call those people dumbasses
Did make me laugh though and stil not sure if it was a wind up

I have tried to resist doing a post about this as i was never a big fan, i think i was still on a Stone Roses trip when they appeared from madchesta. I did'nt hop on the Oasis train when my mate's hitched a lift on it.
So is it really a huge suprise Noel walked away? Well yes and no, we knew that this tour would be the last for several years, Noel is doing his own stuff and he's doing it very well. Liam has always spat the dummy and threw his rattle at every turn.
Ok so Liam and the rest of the troops will go on but not as Oasis, it will just be Liams band. Lot's of bands have went went there own way when tradgedy strikes (is this really a tragic event though) Joy Division became New Order zepplin went there own way, i know that both bands had a death ....
When my brother and i fell out months ago he kicked my guitar and broke it, for that i will never forgive him and if i had one like the one Liam smashed up the other night i would have had to be held back from slaughtering my sibling.
Good luck to Noel, hopfully now his solo career is impending he will come and so a great set in Glasgow.

Bloody heck the've only been back for 2 weeks and carebear has a temprature that is worthy of a trip to the docs. At our docs we need to phone in the morning for an appointment and well if your unlucky then you need to phoned next day and so it goes on. I however know 2 of the receptionists so i text one of them this morning and asked if she would book us in got a tx back asking "whats up?" carebear has a temp of 39 sore throat and headache also been sleeping since 7 last night bit worried about temp. She replied back "no chance we're not allowed to bring anyone into the surgery who is unwell like that because of the man flu, phone nhs 24, dr won't come to your house either so dont ask.
Now i have never been worried about this man flu (conspiracy theorist that i am) i am putting it down to being in a class full of peeps she had'nt seen for 7 weeks and therefore her immune system is fighting off some kind of class bug, Calpol has been given and her wee flushed face is lying on my pillow.