trulyfab

Pick your artist:
The DOORS

Are you a male or female?
L.A Woman

Describe yourself:
Take it as it comes

How do you feel?
Touch me

Describe where you currently live:
People are strange

If you could go anywhere, where would you go?
Soul kitchen

Your favorite form of transportation:
Crystal Ship

Your best friend is:
The Unknown soldier

What's the weather like?
Light my fire

Favorite time of day:
Five to one

If your life was a TV show, what would it be called?
Strange days

What is life to you?
Moonlight drive

Your fear:
The end

Bloody hell that was made harder thanks to BDA using floyd before me, scary thing is alot of the answers i had thought of she already had

Ha ha it's not a holiday here, (well i'm not working everyday is a weekend) So we got post today, and Mr postman just delivered my exam resuts from a couple of courses i done last term. People i have passed (with flying colours) Child development:Birth to young adulthood and promoting positive play.
So for all you out there that think it's to late to go back to education....well i'm a big 33 and loved doing my little courses. So much so i'm doing 4 courses this term, only 2 will get me a college certificate which is health and beauty and speakeasy (speakeasy one is in conjunction with the family planning and it's about everything from bullying to puberty).
I'm really proud of myself as i got 4 certificates at the awards ceremony in June and now this from thr SQA.

As i said it's never to late to go do something, i have done all sorts from stress management to salsa classes. Honest go find your local community education centre and do something that catches your eye

What fabulous night

Need to get the pics uploaded but lost the bloody usb thingy again, Friday night i was walking back from the kitchen when i noticed it was really misty outside, like could'nt see the flats opposite me misty. Carebear was trying to ask me something but i was focused on the window which made her stare out, mum mum mum where's your phone the flats are on fire, my leisurly hobble back into the living room became an olympic hop. Some twat had set fire to the garages underneath the flats but also where the basement flats entrance is/was. Carebear found my phone, dialled 999 and passed the phone to me, done the nesesary talking and then went and chapped my neighbour to move his car as things were popping and exploding in the garages. Carebear now realising that the fire was only just across the road started panicing, long story short, my nephew died several years ago in a house fire so because of this we as a family are well aware how quickly and dangerously they spread. Got carebear calmed down but the fire brigade was taking ages and it's only 5 minutes down the road (fire station that is) 3 of Glasgows finest trucks from Springburn appeared, springburn is about 18 miles from where we live. Ladies they were fuckin gorgeous, nearly creamed my knickers i was in awe, took a few pics from the front door and ogled there cute little arses in those yummy uniforms there made to wear.
Now that turned out to be a great bonfire.

No one was hurt, no one will ever get charged with doing it, bit of damage but nothing new garage doors and a new front door on the close. A good scrub at the brick walls and few new slates and it might actually make the close look better than it was beofre.
One thing i did notice was that the fireman couldnt find the hydrant because of all the over growth of weeds, the yellow H sticker is on the lampost at the front of my nest but they couldnt find it, so they had to locate one further down the street.

For all your nice messages and emails today. Big hug for each and every one of you xxx

Conversation with carebear
her-mum, whats a bucket
me-it's that thing i kicked last week that i use when mopping the floors
her-no mum a bucket
me-oh it's what east coasters call a bin
her-no mum the other kind
me-no idea what your on about
her-the smoking one
me-err i have no idea what you mean
her-yeah i've heard you talk about them to Todd, he takes buckets
me-babe i really dunno
her-well i think your lying, is it anything to do with hash?
me-

Woke up with the t.v blaring, i must have fell asleep watching benefit busters as i was woken this morning by "hoob hoob hooray" who makes these kids programmes? and why are they so loud? Anyway been up since 6, would have no doubt fell back over if i had'nt got it into my head that i wanted a cig, so off i plopped downstairs, slippers on wrong feet, lighter threatening to pop it's flint. Tis ridiculous been awake for not even 2 hours and 3 nicoteine sticks have been eaten. Can hear carebears alarm just now so i suppose i should put the kettle on for her cup of tea. Not sure if i'm talking to her as the y and u keys are popped off the laptop and you would be surprised how often i use those keys. tried sticking them back down but that did'nt work.
Think i'll give my photography class a miss today and go back to bed, i got slated for my camera last week, yeah i'm the first to admit it's crap, 6 years old been to all sorts of gigs and festivals so it has been soaked with rain sweat and random cups of erm what i like to tel myself is really warm beer. Useing that as an excuse is poney, i am just tired now and want me kip.
Anyone else want tea whilst the kettles on?

Got choo choo tickets for madchesta today, gave up on tying to get down for sept weekend. The whole of Glasgow is going to Blackpool so can't get to Preston for the connection without it costing me 80 quid and no seats, would have to sit on those daft flappy seats at the doors. No thank you i want seats at a table an electric socket to plug laptop into and near enough the toilets that i can see carebear when she's on a pee mission. So we're ging down in october and guess what it cost me? ok don't guess i'll tell you 22.50 with seats power socket and within visability to the loo's. had to renew my railcard that was an extra 26 squid but thats cool as we use the train alot and i'll have my moneys worth out it by the end of september. Left myself totally rooked for the weekend but hey ho had cancelled all plans last night due to the rain not wanting to leave. Plus my Mum is now ging to visit my brother and sis in law and baby. It's a bank holibob down south so at least she'll get to enjoy my brother being around. Got to admit i was a wee tad hurt when she said she would just go down to his as i was looking forward to having a day out with my Mum and carebear on saturday but feck it i'm skint now so it would probably only be to a buffett king in town.
Got my neighbours little bundle a gorgeous outfit from Mothercare, i have to admit i did enjoy the baby shopping as it was'nt for me and i'm dying for a hold but as yet no idea when she wil get out the hospital and don't want to go up and visit as all her family wil be there and i don't want to intrude.
Suppose i should go do some housework now and go pay a few bills.

Woke up to a text this morning, did'nt look at it just lay there seething for 20 minutes. Ok all is forgiven to the texer. My neighbour gave birth to a baby boy 7.3lb at 5.43 this morning. Baby was bang on due date. Dunno how mum is but Granny is ecstatic and very tired. So here's hoping we hear news of the little bundle who is long over her due makes an appearence before the weekend.

Been tired since before my eyes even opened this morning. Woke up before the alarm went off or my dream had finished not sure. Got carebear to school then went up to my little course i do on wednesday mornings, we're doing sewing just now until the self defence guy comes in 2 weeks. I don't mind sewing but by 10 o'clock i could feel the tiredness kicking in. Came home made some lunch then off to get carebear from school as i was working at the kids club and needed her to be on time instead of the usual arseing around.
As it was the first week back at the club we had nothing organised so we decided to do a new freeze up at the art corner, asked for suggestions, snowmen,christmas tree's. Not even done the autumn one yet so christmas themes were ignored. I then spent what felt like ages talking them into doing a starry night, kinda mary poppins when there on the roof doing the chim chimini. I have never been one for clock watching, infact i dont have clocks in my house as time is irrelevant unless i need to be somewhere, but by jove i watched that clock slowly ticking round til it came time to pack up.
Got home to an email....hi D can you do me a huge massive favour?. Phoned the emailer and told him i would do my best but i was tired and my foot was really sore so might not, I done it in the end, won't give you the boring favour story. So tired i can't even be annoyed watching my team getting humped by arsenal. Have told carebear i want her in the house for 8 (her normal time) washed and in jammies for 9 as i'm having an early night.
Supposed to be going into town tomorrow to check out train tickets but doubt i'll go, the rain is cronic i'm fed up getting soaked everytime i open the door.
Was also the anniversary of my Granny's passing the other day so feeling pretty low about that and then on monday it will be my uncles anniversary of his passing oh yeah and just for good measure it was his sons passing away anniversary last week. My brother and his wife celebrate there wedding anniversary tomorrow but as i'm not talking to him i got carebear to send a card. I don't want him thinking i'm being nice to him just for something in return. Oh how i love my family. Think it may be that time to go back on the anti depressants, i don't normally start til october time as thats when my SAD kicks in but with the fowl weather, family not being as close as they should i think i may need a little pick me up.
Right i've babbled enough i'm away to run a bath and chuck in a few camomile tea bags and retreat to my bed with a book.

I'm trying to get our train tickets booked for our long weekend away at the end of Sept. Last time we went down to madchesta it cost me 23 quid with my railcard, i just checked the online prices and even using my railcard its going to cost over 55 quid. Thats nearly double in 2 years. I thought maybe it was because it was at the end of Ramadan but that ends the weekend before we go down (annoyed at that) Anyways that should'nt matter as i have been down for Eid before as my ex in laws are practicing Muslims and the celebrations are amazing. My ex in laws live in the heart of Madchesta so it's a fascinating event for someone like me who does'nt practice religion, oh and the food at the street partys is to die for. Ex mammy in law has tried to teach me to make authentic food but i just never get it right so she makes me a big pot of food to bring up the road. Also missing the end of Ramadan has annoyed me, will still be nice for Carebear to see her family though. I think it's pretty cool that she has been brought up with different cultures around her as it means that she has never witnessed any racism or bigitory. Still can't believe that the train fares are double though as this will cut down the spending money a bit and as a thank you i like to take the family out for a meal for having us. Really funny how i can't even look at her dad but his mum sister and brother are liek my own. Oh well not to worry even if we need to hide in the loo's we will get there x.

Sometime ago one of mt friends got herself into a bit of a pickle, She was going through a bad time and turned to drink. In the end up she got suspended from work but thats all sorted now and she started beck work just before the school hols. During her recovery period i went and visited her everyday, took her out when cabin fever was setting in (she lives with her folks) took her to Dr appointments i stood by her when she was taking sneaky drinks by making sure she got home safely or by putting her on my couch and letting her sleep it off. I also build up a really good relationship with her Mum who was going through chemo at the time. When my friend got sectioned i went to the hospital everyday to visit her. I was in a way her support/career.
I've been trying to phone her lately but always miss her and my calls never returned, now i havent just known her for a bit but for 6 years so i have been dismayed that now she is "better" i have been cast aside. On my way back home from the walking group this morning i bumped into her, well not bumped into we were both on the samme side of the street and she crossed the road. I being me crossed over too but she continued walking head down so i stopped her to say hello and ask her how things were. She treated me like an enemy, i was really hurt. Whilst she was going through her bad spell she done a bunk twice and i was out looking for her with carebear, i really like her as does carebear who calls her auntie Ang.
So have i just to take it that now she is better that our friendship is over? i still have the odd conversation with her Mum but the whole family seem to have distanced themselves from me. I really am hurt by this.

Ok so she is'nt a teddybear but she's my cute cuddly thing that i cry into when i'm emotional, i also (don't laugh to hard) rub her nose when i can't sleep at night, oh and her name is Marsha mallow

Thats what Doc said, i got an x-ray and nearly brought up my coffee when he pressed my ankle. So a wee bit of damage, 2 bones that have reset themselves, torn ligaments,muscle and tendons. I've to rest up (not a problem) no hiking til at least October, there goes my tuesday walking club (still going but will take it easy)
Ok i know i should have seen to this weeks ago but as i was floating on pain killers and valium i did'nt really notice the pain. Got to admit though folks the white tubigrip that he put on my ankle looks fetching, almost sexy (aye right) I refused the walking stick as i'd rather prefer a unique looking one to a metal NHS pole

Right i'm under Dr's orders so if your making coffee 2 and milk please

Pride is bursting out of me, i have just been contacted by our local MSP about carebear and the unfortunate accident that happened a few weeks ago. My Daughter, my baby, my star (you get the picture) has been given an invitation to go to the Scottish Parliment building to get an award for her bravery. This entails a day off school so i am going to see the headteacher later this morning to ask her permission to take Carebear out of school for the day. The MSP is also recommending her to Young Scot Awards as well as a couple of Scottish papers who run awards each year for kids wo have gone that extra mile. I is one proud mammy x

Did you like my big brother thingy there, anyway i kinda realised this morning i've been a bit of a moan this week, i think i have discovered my problem. Painkillers, i've still ben taking them for my ankle so i'm giving in and going to see the Doc about it tomorrow. Painkillers i've been taking are really strong and a tad addictive so i have been cutting down but i think that may be why i've been an ass. Well that plus the girl with the rotties, carebear being a pooh bear and getting back into the school routine.

Sorry peeps i will try my best to get back to being trulyfab xx

Honest i did, but it's a severe hate of mine, i don't own one because i know it would no doubt make my stomach churn but for fuck sake.

This is a picture from my front door, see the grass at the left of the fence? well thats where the girl across the road takes her 2 rottweilers to do the toilet, i was stood at my door having a cig when she came out with one of them. I stood not saying a word and watched it shit on the grass, i said nothing. Then dog number 2 comes out and does the same. I watched her walk away then shouted on her. "Excuse me you've forgot something"... "no i have''nt"...."your dogs shit is sitting at the fence beside my house, get it cleared up"...."i'll do it later"..."no now, it's beside my house and i have all my windows open and don't want to be smeling that"..."i do it at night"....."not good enough sweetheart, kids play here and it's not fair on them, they can't play on the grass, if you have dogs you have to respect the people who live here and pick it up"....."i don't ike picking it up"..."thats fine next time i need a shit i'll come and do it outside your front door"..."you would'nt dare"....."oh sweetiepie i would'nt even go there"

She's still refusing to pick it up at the moment saying she picks it up at night, that means nothing to me when it's still early and kids are out playing. We argued for a good 15 minutes and by the end of it i felt like shit because i had reduced her to tears. I did'nt do it intentionally, i just wanted to get my point across that the kids cannot play and i don't see why i have to clean up shit trails out my house from when it's accidently stood in.
Everytime i cut my grass i have to check for pooh, and i don't own an animal.

IF YOUR NOT WILLING TO PICK UP AFTER YOUR PET DON'T HAVE ONE, YOU WOULD NOT LEAVE A BABY IN A SHITTY NAPPY SO DON'T LEAVE PET SHIT ON THE PATH.

I am thinking of setting up a blog group on survival. This all came about because i found a book that i bought a few years ago on survival of the extreme, the book contains silly things like how to survive a ufo abduction to the more how to find water in a desert. so peeps all contributions will be welcome from how to survive your kids going back to school to surviving christmas on your own etc.

What do you think?

Did anyone watch Benefit Busters last night? Well i did and within 5 minutes i just thought the woman was so patronising that i would have walked out. Her theory was that if you can knock the confidence out of lone parents and then build it back up they would have a better chance of getting work. Those who showed emotion we're better people she said. I'm sorry sweetheart but reduce me to tears over my circumstances and i would advise you to take off your high heels and run very fast.

One woman was in 75 grand of debt, no minmim wage job is going to allow you to pay that off. Ano0ther was a D.J well was before her child was born. Her reservation was how do i get home at half 2 in the morning. i would have those thoughts too.

One said she thought single parents get to much money, yeah i'm out on the piss every weekend and only wear designer clothes. Infact one must have been good with her pennys as she had a drink problem and still managed to get her shoes from shuch, mine are tk maxx or new look.

The instructor thing was class when her boss came in though, talk about brown nosing, after the boss left the thing was shaking from nerves, er sorry mrs but are you not meant to be super confident.

The thing also was brilliant when she wsa saying how it's ridiculous how some take advantage of the benefits system, when asked if her boss was taking advantage by seting up the company and being subsidised from the benefits budget she said that her boss had done well for spotting a hole in the market!!! Does that not mean that her bos is also taking advantage of the system?

Ok by the end of the programme all but one of the single mums had a job in poundland, i would work there but i can't work weekends as i don't have weekend childcare. Infact anywhere that requires me to work after half 5 through the week or weekends i can't do it. I have had up to 4 jobs at one time to keep my little nest in harmony so i'm not feart of hard graft. I have worked for less than minimum wage just so i had a few extra quid at the end of the week.

Ok i get my rent paid, well infact not all of it i pay 30 quid a month on top of it as the council count my house as 3 bedrooms even though theres only 2.There used to be 3 but when they were renovated they knocked a wall down in the 2 single rooms making one double. Yes i get my council tax paid and yes i do claim free school meals but only after june did that happen and ive been on benefits since february. I did also claim the clothing grant.

I don't think i take advantage of the system, i would'nt know how too.
My point was that that programme was very demorilising to lone parents and i was for one was really pist off that we we're shown in such bad light

Was alright, met up with a friend and we went to a wee greasy spoon, my tummy was'nt feeling to happy before i went out but i did'nt have dinner last night and was famished. Ordered cheese burger, chips and side salad. Was'nt that great, i did'nt finish it. We came out of there and i wanted a hula hoop so we walked over to Asda but even though i could see it in the distance i knew that i needed to use there loo as it was'nt just a trump i needed. Why do people go into the cubical right next to you. waiting for someone to use the hand dryer so noises could be disguised. No hula hoops in Asda so started to walk over to Tesco, my mate live's near Tesco so she was just going home, parted company and went in search for that circular thing, none there either but i did manage to get a birthday prezzie for a friends little boy. Standing at the check out i was eyeing the toilet sign. Paid for my stuff and went back to the loo, again why do people need to go into the cubical next to me when there is loads empty, a girl was standing doing her hair so i was a tad . At last hand dryers go on.
Walk through the shopping centre to go home and yip i popped into there loo but as soon as i opened the door you would have thought i'd already been there. Bloody hell i'm used to portaloos but these were horrendous but when in dire need.
Managed to get home just in time to race upstairs, i'm now currently looking for andrews liver salts as i need to go visit a mate and don't want to walk up and have to use his loo.

Last night once it got a bit dark i went over to womans house and checked she was in, light's on so chapped chapped banged went round to her back door, knocked and finally she opened the door.. Explained to her that Carebear was expecting a parcel but Grandma put the wrong house number. Now before i went to her door i got Grandma to give me the recorded delivery barcode so i could use the tracking service. The parcel had been delivered and signed for. I told the wifie i had checked but she still denied knowledge so phoned my pal who was sat in my house and asked her to go check the website i had left open. Told wifie i had got it wrong it's due tomorrow so could you kindly take it in for me and i would get it on Tuesday. She agreed to this. I was'nt wanting to cause any embarresment (is that spelt right?) to either of us so thought by doing that it gives the woman the choice of going and buying parcel paper and rewrapping it. Now i'm just waiting on her chapping my door and i will play dumb and thank her very much for taking it in.

P.S Was going to reply to all your comments on previous post but after turn of events thought it would be easier to just let you all know at once the update on the parcel.

Carebears been waiting on a parcel from her Grandma since Friday, after speaking to Grandma she told me the address she sent it too and instead of my number she's put 226 not mine which is familiar. The house it has been delivered to is just at the end of my row so have been chapping her door at regular intervals, but she won't answer the feckin door. Apparently she's worse than me for being anti-social but at the end of the day my kids school jacket and other clothes are in this parcel and i want them. I have put a note through the door, asked the guy in the shop to say to her and have 2 other neighbours watching out for her taking her waggly tails out for a walk.

Now if you signed for a parcel addressed to someone else would you not try and find out who it's for? I could see the point if it was filled with glorious goodys but it's clothes and a wee fiver for her purse. Now in my eye's the woman is nothing but a dirty thieving boot.

Thaks BDA and MILLY, it just popped threw the door just now, would never have belived you were both off to the pub.

BDA has been sending me postcards of her summer adventures and everyone has been fab. Fontana Di Trevi in Italy, the great little place in Greece, Natural History museum in London,one from her fair town and now The Cotswolds.

She's an amazing lady xxxx

Well that's Carebear done her irn-bru bruzzette, mine is number 240 somethig and hers is 930. We are, well dependeding on the weather going to go to Glasgow Green on the 13th of september and do the can can and fingers crossed get into the guiness record books for largest amount of peeps doing the can can. Yeah sounds crap i know but hey sounds like a good day out and a bit of fun and laughter thrown in for good luck.
There will also be bands playing (Zutons rumoured) and a whole host of other activitys so people even if you cat be there get yourself onto the irn bru website and make your bruzzer, well it's sunday what else you going to do?

This actually happened to someone's daughter. Lauren was 19 yrs old and in college.
This story takes place over the Christmas/New Year's holiday break..
It was the Saturday before New Year and it was about 1.00pm in the afternoon, and Lauren was driving to visit a friend,
when an UNMARKED police car pulled up behind her and put its lights on. Lauren's parents have 4 children (of various ages)
and have always told them never to pull over for an unmarked car on the side of the road , but rather wait until they get to a service station, etc
So Lauren remembered her parents' advice, and telephoned 112 from her mobile phone.
This connected her to the police dispatcher she told the dispatcher that there was an unmarked police car with a flashing blue light on his rooftop behind her and
that she would not pull over right away but wait until she was in a service station or busy area.
The dispatcher checked to see if there was a police car where she was and there wasn't and he told her to keep driving,
remain calm and that he had back-up already on the way.
Ten minutes later 4 police cars surrounded her and the unmarked car behind her.
One policeman went to her side and the others surrounded the car behind.
They pulled the guy from the car and tackled him to the ground...... ..the man was a convicted rapist and wanted for other crimes.
I never knew that bit of advice, but especially for a woman alone in a car, you do not have to pull over for an UNMARKED car.
Apparently police have to respect your right to keep going to a 'safe' place.
You obviously need to make some signals that you acknowledge them I.e., put on your hazard lights) or call 112 like Lauren did.
Too bad the mobile phone companies don't give you this little bit of wonderful information.
So now it's your turn to let your friends know about 112
(112 is an emergency number on your mobile that takes you straight to the police because 999 does not work if you have no signal) .
This is good information that I did not know!
Please pass on to all your friends, especially any females.

Since you missed her at the Carling, oh and just to let you know Brooke picked the tune, i'm not meaning the lyrics in anyway. Should i just stop typing before i dig myself deeper lol

When i was at T IN THE PARK i got a text message telling me that Carebear had been pushed up against a wall by 3 girls and had her hair pulled,bobbles pulled out and basicly frightened. I did try and get home that day but security would'nt change my travel pass, so as soon as i returned home on the Monday i went to the 3 girls parents doors. One of the girls then apologised and it was happy days once again.
Sitting in the kitchen minding my own Carebear storms in with red eye, the girl is pelting her with insults. I stand up and the little twerp still does'nt realise i'm there. Give Carebear her due, she gave back as good as she got. I told her to come in and shut the door as slanging matches in the street is'nt the way to deal with things. I close the door, and get a torrent of abuse from an 8 year old. Carebear tries to get past me as her temper has now snapped and she wants blood. I'm restraining her whilst reminding little twerp it's the last weekend before the schools go back so why not make it a good one instead of shouting and swearing. I'm a psycho Mum apparently

So why is it little girls really are worse than boys? Got to admit i nearly fell off my chair when the twerp shouted at least i can afford a nit comb.

Was thinking that it might be pretty cool when i go to this fancy dress party if i get some body painting done. Still going as a Mermaid but was thinking if i got my torso done to blend in with my bikini top, few starfish or something. Really should get dressed and stop thinking random thoughts about something thats not for another 10 weeks.

Well i might now

Had a very nice mini meet with Trina, First time i've met someone from blogland and hopefully won't be my last, the kids seemed a bit strange with ach other but i'm putting that down to them both being shy when first meting someone. Thanks Trina was lovely to meet you.

Got Carebear her school shoes, shops were crap, nothing left but we came back fully armed with bags so it was succesful.

On our way home mummsie phones me to see if i can go up to her flat and help her with some glossing in preperation for it goinjg up for sale. Still convinced theres more pant on me than the skirting.

Finally got hoe about 9 and was shattered, helped a neighbour put out old furniture and the middgie raiders were out there door picking it up before we got the last of it sat down. One mans rubbish and all that.

Grandma from England phones aswell which was a shock as she has'nt spoke to me since everything kicked off with me and her son (carebears dad) Was pleased she phoned as she was getting told all sorts and said she ws frightened to phone me after something her son text her. Seems i'm not the only one who has been getting nasty texts and calls.

It's peeing down and i need to go get a food shop in, carebear wants to take her bike but i cant mind where i put the chain and padlock. Will find it so i can take my ipod whilst she's miles ahead.

Not going to have a wingy moan, but for the love of the wee man on the moon if i get a text tomorrow morning wakking me up i'll scream, i've tried being polite, i'm sure he thinks it's sweet to send me tx's but ffs not at 7 in the morning. Just as i was finally drifting back off to sleep Carebear bounces in my room. I'm not a lazy twat but unless something serious has happened don't text me with drivvel. As usual i was polite......cheers for waking me up, i know i must sound like a bitch but i don't care. Another text around 3 ...is it safe yet?
I have'nt replied.
I don't mind the alarm waking bme up or the sun streaming in the window.
Yeah ok i do sound like a grouch.
Happier note carebear likes me again, she even wants me to show her how to iron her school shirts so at least a bridge is built.
Spag bol for din dins tonight, and i forogt the garlic bread

Yip that is what carebear is at the moment, we had a minor disagreement about fuckface, for years i have bit my tounge but today i let rip after being told that he is wonderful. If he's so fucken wonderful (yes i did swear,several times) then why the fuck has he left me in the shit? Why has he only been able to take 2 whole days out his unbusy schedule to see you the past 6 weeks,Why does he think it's ok to threaten me? do you not realise that he's a selfish arsehole who needs a firm reality check up the arse?

I said all that to her because i'm sick fed up being told how fucken wonderful he is. Carebear went back outside to have a ride on her bike.

This all started because i could'nt give her money to go swimming so i'm all the bad yins.

Felt dreadful seconds after it came out my mouth so i went to look for her. Found her, apologised several times in the middle of the street with tears in my eye's and heart. Tried to make the peace by asking her if she wanted to play a game, watch a dvd together, make her some hot chocolate and a ham roll and choccie biccies, no was the reply to all of them. Asked her what she wanted to do,, nothing, your boring you have no money to take me anywhere or do anything, i walked away. Then went to the back door shouted her, threw the garage key down told her to get the bike in and her cute little arse upstairs and straight to her room and not to speak to me.

I know i was completly in the wrong for saying what i did but for the past few days i've been a pressure cooker, getting stupid text messages through the night from him being snide. i know once i get over today and tomorow i'll be fine as i get my creds etc but just for these 2 days i'm struggling and i don't infact i wont have a 9 year old tell me she hates me because i can't give her a fiver to go swiming

Was sitting outside with 2 neighbours last night having a coffee and general chinwag, although i kep myself to myself carebear kicks about with there kids and i'm not totally anti social. Anyways the young team have kicked in a door of an empty flat in the close opposite of our little row. We watched as they swigged there bottles of cheap cider and shared cigs. Then the weird bit happened, obviously to much drink was drank and things were geting a bit kinky, they never even shut over the skanky curtains, three of us sat in sheer shock as 2 of them started undressing, he was stil standing up while she disappeared out of sight down the way. Mobile phone was getting raised in all directions, different angles by a third person. Now it does'nt take a genius to work out what was going on (it really does'nt i figured it out) So that was my night, watching a erm movie being made by the finest drunken young team in the west coast.

Just too point out, i did trawl the net last night to see if it had been uploaded but couldnt see anything

One of my friends daughters has just given me an invitation to her 18th, It's dress up and after watching Mermaids the other nigt and reading trintrins blog i'm going as a mermaid, all i need is a pattern for the skirty bit as i have numerous corsetts i can wear for a top and a couple of clam shells for my boobies. Going to a viking festival in September next to a beach so i will collect small shells to make my own jewellery and for my wild curly hair.

You would never guess i took a wee valium after my last post, which my Doc gave me because of al the stress fuckface has put me through

...Thats if you can call him that, fuck face as i know call him informed me on Friday night that he would'nt be getting our daughter anything for her return to school as he had to go to a party on Saturday night and has no money left. 2 DAYS, 48 HOURS is all he has seen her for since the schools broke up at the end of July. Don't know bout you lot but you do know the dates schools go back and do your hardest through the holidays to make sure you have it all sorted. Shoes was all he offered to get her, so far in my little head calculator i think ive spent (yeah ok i'm going to get a pen now) 93 pound and that includes everything from shirts, gym kit to pencils. Still have her bag to get and now shoes. Dont get me wrong i have applied for the 70 quid clothing grant but i'm feckin ragin that not only do i get no maintenance he's also left me in the shit for this week. School goes back Monday so it's not as if i can wait til then.
Fuck face tried taking me to court to see less of her, 2 lawyers sacked him and the 3rd one told him to drop the case as no court in the land would listen to him. Bloody hell there is people out there who fight to see there off spring, my ex wants the opposite.
Had a blazing arguement with him yesterday so he's threatening to tell his lawyer he used to get me hash, not sure if that will go in his favour but have told him i'd happily do a drug test if he done one, never known anyone to back track so quickly in my life so he must have something to hide.
I don't think he realises with all the community work and volountry work i do that i am quite respected by people alot higher than his pityful life will ever come across. After the last court citation i had so many high powered people asking me if i wanted a character refrence or for them to even speak to the court family officer, i did'nt approach these peeps they approaced me.
Fuckface is walking on very thin ice at the moment and does'nt have a clue. He even refused parental rights or responsibilitys, he had no haste in my changing her surname to mine but yet he thinks he can threaten me and treat my daughter like something on the bottom of a skanky old shoe. Rant over going to go sharpen pencils. (so i can stick them in his eye's)

Mummsie had carebear all day, got a text saying that they were going to cinema and would be home at 7, Perfect Celtic game starts at 5 so can watch that with me mates then get home in time. 14 minutes to go get a text 'be home in ten mins' Panic set in, i'm going to miss the end of the game, then they brought on Samaras so thought fuck it may aswell go home the now as nothing is going to happen. Ran home switched on the footie, Carebear chaps back door. I answer it, big hugs etc. Go into living room Samaras scored and i missed it. I have missed my daughter dearly honest, i was torn, i know i shouldnt get excited about a football game but........ well i can't explain it but i'm a tim,tic,hoopla. Before she was born i had a season ticket, never missed a game, got celtic tattoo's, i'm not a bigot but i am a die hard celtic fan. I must sound like a right trumpet the now but hail hail.

The Beatles were the best ever, i never said they were under rated, i just wanted to share LSD with you because it was on the radio and i was singing along. But for ref. i think there good, not up there in my top 5 but i still like them.
The Clash is on the radio now, keeping my singing to myself today BOL

I took it upon myself to gut out carebears room, wish i never bloody started, at least i now have several teaspoons instead of just one. Why do kids think it's ok to destroy there room's? ok maybe not destroy but bloody hell if she at least brought down her dirty clothes it would make life a bit easier. I'm tempted to just leave it for her, but she's still a star in my eye's and said i would make her room pretty for her coming back. Reserved a laundry basket from Argos so maybe fingers crossed she'll use it.

I like to do my bit for charity, i'm going out for dinner on Friday night so went to one of our local charity shops to see if i could pick up a wee dress. Saw one in the window i liked but it was size 14, Girl said she'd have a look round the back and see if they had anything similar. Now i'm a size 8-10, tiny boobs, b cup ok so there tiny, she came round with this dress that looked nice, took out the pink scarf i got from Dunnes for a quid and said yeah i'll take it if it's a 10 at most. Whilst standing at the counter i spotted another dress, it was on a manican so off the lady pops with her ladders, 'size 10 doll do you want it? So we stripped the manican. Not long home and i took them out the bag both size 12's. i can't really take them back after all it's a charity shop, even though both dresses together cost me 9 quid i'm fizzing, i could have went into New Look or somewhere and got something off the sale rack for probably less and it would have fitted.

Carebears due home wednesday, with brother and i still not talking he's dropping her at my mum's and then she's going to take her to the cinema. Can't wait to give her loadsa cuddles. Got us both booked travel wise to go see the viking festival and i have still to tell her that the local MSP want's to meet her, oh also got another email from her P.A there looking into an awards nomination for her

Firsyly thanks notbob for Arnold Layne, that is what has inspired this short blog.

When Pink Floyd first started gigging and Syd Barrat got involved with mind altering drugs, he would before going on stage cover his hair and face in thick brylcream. Once the lights got stronger and the crowd became more wasted the cream would melt leaving Mr B looking as if his face was melting.

Just thought i'd share that with you x

One of the females i work with at the kids club is wanting to set me up with one of her mates. He's seperated 40 works as an auditor and has 2 teenage daughters. He apparently does'nt want a relationhip just someone who's up for going out for a few drinks, meal and a wedding he's been invited too. I've told her that maybe nxt wknd her n her hubby plus this guy n me should go out for lunch and a bottle of wine to see how things go.

In reality it sounds alright to me, a bit of company with no strings attached unless were both wanting that. And a wedding means i get to buy a new dress. My only concern is, well i can be a bit whacky at times, i'm 32 going on 18. I don't conform to standard and even though i know little bits about lots of things i'm not intelligent, My mate (the female i wrk with) has already told him about me so i gave her my user name on that dating site i'm on so i'm sure he can make his own mind up.

Boredom has got to me this afternoon, supposed to be going back for my second colestral check and without realising it i've just demolished 4, yes 4 chocolate eclairs. Sitting on this thing either makes me eat or smoke. So if i die it's all your faults for being so lovely and reading my rubbish blogs

You know how those little scented bags you get from La Senza, the ones that are like little potpourri with the red beads in? Remember when i bought a new Suite not that long ago? yeah the cream one that's right. Well i have just took the cushion off the chair coz i'd lost my roll on. Carebar has opened the bag of little red beads, there everywhere, and my nice shiny new chair has red dye on it. Still brimming with pride but also fizzing with rage. Got a feeling she may want to stay down south another few weeks no make that years

Yeah so i got an ickle bit tipsy last night, wine and painkillers do not mix. If i made a twat of myself well ooopsies, not going to apologise as thats what i'm like when i'm half cut. i will however apologise to anyone i offended, but i don't think i did as i'm not an offensive person.

Oh peeps suns shining, does this mean it could possibly be summer?

Not a real bear, it's glasgow slang for a half bottle of buckfast. For the past hour i've sat and heard strange noises within my quiet nest. I have lost my baseball bat (young female living herself with child) so i have been clutching a can of deodorant and lighter. My bedroom door is'nt shut over properly so it keeps banging off the frame. How feckin stupid do i feel.

It's very strange how when you have children that from time to time you wish a night on your own but i really am lost, i have not slept in my own bed since she went away, the couch has become my new bed but tonight i will make the effort of going to my bed bed.

Know what else i realised, i really don't have alot of friends here on blogland, the one's i have i cherish but i still for some reason feel out the loop. When i started this blog is was going to be about my antics but that slipped so quickly so maybe that was'nt the real me.

Oh well not to worry

choose the trainspotting one as it's up there in my top movies, an educational film all teenagers should see

Was on Bebo earlier and every now n then i check out one of my ex's page. I was so in love with this guy that when we parted i could'nt handle it and had a breakdown. I was in contact with him a few weeks ago asking for his help over something to do with Carebear, he said he would help all he could but his relationship was hitting a bad patch so could only do so much as his g/f would'nt be to happy. Well after looking at his bebo his relationship status is single. I would love it if we both got back together but when we parted it was'nt under nice circumstances. I miss him, even when i ws with the boytoy i missed him, i'm planing on having a wee drink later so i suppose i should hide my phone incase i take a mad idea and phone or text him. Might even go and check out his bands site to see if there gigging tonight, ah no thats a bad idea. Oh well just need to stay silently in love.

I love the Rose's infact i worship them, getting rereleased after 20 years bloody hell i was 12 when it came out. No wonder i'm a wee indie chickpea

Just had cheese n toast with reggae sauce, was very scrummy. My local shop does'nt sell soy sauce so i've borrowed some as i can't be arsed walking to asda.

I'm not a true Scots apparently, why not i hear you ask. I don't like irn-bru. I hate the smell of it and it tastes yuck. I do however drink the odd half bottle of Buckfast so i think that makes up for my Scottishness.

Head is less itchy so i think my visitors have departed, got my hair in a tight bun just now so people are safe from me. My hair touches my bum so it is a rather large bun. Going to go watch t.v now for a bit with a wee glass of tonic

Just gave my hair a good going over and retreived a few of the little buggers, txt mate's who's kids go to club and have one confirmed who is sitting getting meddicine put through her hair and another few mates who are now checking. I don't use the medicines as i discovered a great comb and with no chemicals in my hair i can happily dye it without it turning green, although that would'nt be to bad as its blue just now and people are used to seeing me with erm alternative colours

Yip just pure randomness this morning, a wee bit of lots of things. I'm sure you'll skip by this quickly but i'm having fun.

Last night had Peri Peri chicken for my dinneer, fried of a bit of rice with peppers onion mushroom to have with it, It was yummy. Ran out of soy sauce now so will need to go get more.

Safari park twice in one week and i still never made it to Monkey Island. Not enough time irst time round and went for a sneaky cig yesterday with another youth worker. The kids enjoyed it though

Carebears been away since Wednesday, i'm lost without her, took great delight in telling her dad she would'nt be going to his thius weekend. Guy's a total trumpet, he's dropped legal procedins against me, i'm supposed to be grateful and happy. When my mate slaps him again i will be happy.

Local MSP want's to meet Carebear for her bravery last week, not told her yet as she's down in Yorkshire so i'm keeping it til she comes home. (soon i hope, hate sleeping upstairs when she's away)

Got my final postcard from BDA this morning, thanks sweetheart they we're all lovely and currenly stuck on my fridge til i get my collage wall in order, it is getting a bit out of control.

Going to trerat my hair, have'nt stopped scratching since i came home yesterday, think one of my kiddies have hair visitors. First time i had nits/lice whatever you want to call them i was 30. Checked carebears head before she went away and she was clear so must be from the kids club i've been hobbiing about at most of the week.

Really liking the new Florence And The Machine album.

Now have 2 followers on twitter and have yet to tweet anything as i prefer blogland. Can't even remember my user name.

Ankle's still sore bruising still black, maybe i sould have went to see about it.

Implants in place, lovely big needle they used, could'nt watch. 7 tattoo's and 6 piercings and could'nt watch a bloody implant bing put in (ironic)

No pennys left to do ought this weekend so hope the t.v is good. Norin got booted out of BB house, was'nt fussed as i'm not that keen on Marcus but do feel sory for Siavash.

need to do my hair NOW it's driving me potty.

END OF RANDOM RABBLING