trulyfab

Several men are in the locker room of a golf club. A cell phone on a bench rings and a man engages the hands free speaker function and begins to talk. Everyone else in the room stops to listen.

MAN: 'Hello'

WOMAN: 'Honey, it's me. Are you at the club?'

MAN: 'Yes'

WOMAN: 'I am at the mall now and found this beautiful leather coat. It's only £1,000. Is it OK if I buy it?'

MAN: 'Sure, go ahead if you like it that much.'

WOMAN: 'I also stopped by the Lexus dealership and saw the new Models. I saw one I really liked.'

MAN: 'How much?'

WOMAN: ' £ 90,000'

MAN: 'OK, but for that price I want it with all the options.'

WOMAN: 'Great! Oh, and one more thing...the house I wanted last year is back on the market. They're asking £ 950,000'

MAN: 'Well, then go ahead and give them an offer of £ 900,000. They will probably take it. If not, we can go the extra 50 thousand if it's really a pretty good price.'

WOMAN: 'OK. I'll see you later! I love you so much!'

MAN: 'Bye! I love you, too.'

The man hangs up. The other men in the locker room are staring at him in astonishment, mouths agape.

He turns and asks: 'Anyone know who this phone belongs to?'

Never seen the Beach Boys live but did get to see Brian Wilson in 2007 at T IN THE PARK, in all the years going (15 so far) he's the only artist to make me cry, sqeezed right to the front was fantabulous

A woman brought a very limp parrot into a veterinary surgery. As she lay her pet on the table, the vet pulled out his stethoscope and listened to the bird's chest. After a moment or two the vet shook his head sadly and said "I'm sorry, Polly has passed away."

The distressed owner wailed, "Are you sure? I mean, you haven't done any testing on him or anything. He might just be in a coma or something."

The vet rolled his eyes, shrugged, turned and left the room returning a few moments later with a beautiful black Labrador. As the bird's owner looked on in amazement, the dog stood on his hind legs, put his front paws on the examination table and sniffed the dead parrot from top to bottom. He then looked at the vet with sad eyes and shook his head. The vet fussed the dog and took it out but returned a few moments later with a cat! The cat jumped up and also delicately sniffed the ex-bird. The cat sat back, shook its head, meowed and ran out of the room.

The vet looked at the woman and said, "I'm sorry, but like I said, your parrot is most definitely, 100% certifiably ... dead." He then turned to his computer terminal, hit a few keys and produced a bill which he handed to the woman. The parrot's owner, still in shock, took the bill. "$300", she cried. "$300 just to tell me my bird is dead?!"

The vet shrugged. "If you had taken my word for it, the bill would only have been $20.
But ... what with the Lab Report and the Cat Scan ......"

Trying to keep myself busy so decided to clean the hall carpet. Put my back into it, was giving one bit a really good scrub (its next to the morror where i do my hair) and managed to bang my head right off the bannister. I'm going to a birthday party on saturday night and i have this gorgeous gash, a great big lump and bruising slap bang in the middle of my forehead. What a silly dumpling i am

I wanted to upload these pics yesterday but couldnt find the usb lead. Found it now. I took these pics yesterday when i was out n about on my walk, i dont have a great camera as i have a habit of dropping things. This is not fr from where i live but the last picture shows that no matter where you live the city always find you.

After a really crappy night and weird dreams yet again i feel very confident. A friend phoned me to see if she could borrow a bit of pot and i told her what i was doing, she says if i want a bit on thursday when she gets her she'll give me a bit over but i told her NO.
Really funny thing is that i've never done so much tossing in my bed whilst alone, i do mean tossing and turning not the other tossing lol.
Was up til about half 4 this morning having showers being sick and sitting in the toilet reading, i did'nt expect heartburn but thats away now. The dream i had was very weird, i was pregnant and trying to buy a pram in Sainsburys!! Someone suggested that i sell pot to make a bit of cash to help buy baby stuff but i said no i would rather shovel poo off the street, and then someone past me a joint and i looked at it before passing it straight to someone else.
So after my dream and waking up feeling ok i'm confident that last night/through the night i'm over the worst of it. Feeling really tired just now so thats why im here because if i sit on the couch i'll fall asleep and i dont want to do that. Neither do i want to go out as i still feel a bit drained after my guts decided to say hello. The sun is fighting with the grey clouds just now so fingers crossed the sun wins and i'll potter about in the garden for a bit.

the pains terrible, my tummy is so crampt that even the contractions i had when i was in labour we're easier to handle. My legs are restless with sharp pain. i want to cry, no infact i just want to go get a bit of pot. Doubled over in pain and my backs about to break. Took some ginger tea in the hope that would settle my tummy but no, i tried a bath but couldnt sit still, couldnt meditate as my minds drawing the pain to my attention. Still resisting the tramadol . this is'nt easy

Ok so maybe i'm getting in above my head with all the conspiracy theorys going around, i truly believe everything i watched on Zeitgeist not to sure about Alex Jones but he did make a right good few points. So now i've read everything on my bookcase i bought today DEATH OF A DISSIDENT the poisoning of Alexander Litvinenko, was only a quid out a pound shop and its hard back so if anyone anoys me i can always chuck it at them.
Thank the wee man on the moon that the kgb, fbi, mfi and b&q cant see what i'm reading and get up to as no doubt a satalite would randomly cruise above my nest. Looking at the amount of page's i should finish this oe fairly quickly only 347 pages long so i'll let you's all know what i think by the weekend

Went to bed quite early and listened to a few relaxation cd's and finally drifted off but woke up a few times in pain so put the spare quilt under my covers to try and soften it and a pillow between my knees so my bones werent leaning against each other. Had a few weird dreams about pot but then i suppose if i was thinking about it then my mind would have drifted in that direction. my backs sore my legs are killing me and my arms feel really heavy. went on another walk today but this one was organised (will blog that later with pics i took) i'm surprised that i managed sleep but i suppose my hike yesterday knackered me out. i woke this morning feeling really tired and could have easily feel back over but i have my morning routine, wake carebear have breakfast and watch c4, get washed and dressed and do hair during frasier and then at commercial time leave to take carebear to school, didnt want food this morning as felt a bit grubby but after my walk i had a roast beef and horseradish sandwich, the walk certainly built up an appetite. really tempted to take some pain killers for my back but the ones i get prescribed contain alot of codeine and as i have a habitual nature i fear that i will become dependent on them too so i'll suffer in silence but not when it comes to typing heehee. i havent told friends what i'm doing as i know they'll try and wind me up over it so my release is here where i can say everything and hopefully make it a tad easier.

well ok wasnt perfect but has so far been very nice. i'm preparing my body for yet another detox, whenever i stop doing something its normally replaced by another bad habit. at 14 it was glue which turned to alcohol which turned to kit which turned to sulph which turned to pills which turned to pot. yeah ok i done the pot along with everything else but i scarily realised that for 18 years ive smoked the stuff nearly every night so thats me i never went and got my supply this morning instead i bought camomille tea and lavendar room spray. i know im going to be up all night but in preperation for that i walked 5 miles today through the glen near to where i live in the hope that by the time i need to go to bed i'l be shattered. kinda tempted to take a wee tramadol as they make me sleepy but im going to resist unless i get the same withdrawls that i got the last time (lasted a whole 36 hours before beating down doors to get a bit of pot) im not going to double up on my anti's, i know if i do i'll sleep as the dose i take now is well and truly in my system and dont make me yawn anymore.
so the plan is have a nice relaxing bath with some lavendar bath crystals and listen to tubular bells or war of the world, spray my bed with the lavendar room and linen spray do a bit of meditation and drink my tes (been a while since i last meditated) and think nice thoughts. No doubt i'll be down stairs by 3 o'clock playing king.com or lying on the bathroom floor willing the pains in my legs to go away.
Start a new group tomorrow in my area where were going on different walks so might take the camara, wish i had today as i was the only person up the glen and i really took notice of things i normally walk past. my ickle actimel challenge is going ok on day 5 but i think there lying about the fact it's meant to help swollen tummys but then its near that time again but persavere i will.

Even wih all the crap thats going on i should be happy that at the end of the day i have a gorgeous daughter a nice house and half a bottle of wine left. All the crap regarding carebeasr dad, well i can't do much about it on a weekend so i'm not going to let it ruin my weekend. Even if my ex employers been a plonker i should remember that i have my certificates and there's plenty of other organisations out there who would only be to pleased to have me on there payroll. My health is relativly good as long as i remember to take my heart tablets. my friends are wonderful (they wouldnt be friends otherwise)
Today i taught carebear how to haggle at a car boot sale and she got a new stool for her dressing table for less than a packet of sweets. The suns still shining, my house is clean and still looking lived in. i have money in my purse and a great music collection to blast while i'm doing gardening. All in all i should count my blessings and get out the poor me phase, there's thousands out there who have no-one and nothing and a damn sight more problems than me and no support to help them.
Sundays coming soon and i'm going to enjoy it by making carebear new curtains which i can stand back and admire an tell myself ,"you done that you clever cookie"

nope definetly not a week i want to happen again monday started off ok with a visit to a few people tuesday was long and boring,wednesday is always busy thursday my world fell apart friday well i kept myself busy. Got to the point now thats its not a few days away i want ut to just pack up and go away forever, fresh start somewhere no one can track me down. i thought my little peeved off phase would pass, well i thougt it had past but no it was just lying in wait ready to pounce out the darkness and wrap itself around me squeezing tighter until every bit of energy i have is sucked out my bones and then just cast me aside like a used rag for people to stomp all over in there busy existence's.
If that bottle of wine in the fridge doesnt chill very quickly i think i may just finally have good cry that i've been fighting to keep in all week.
i hate ex employers i loath my daughters father and i'm envious of the support my mother gives to my brother while she lets me suffer in mental anguish

I don't have loads of friends on this site (que violins) but the ones that i do have i read on a regular basis and other of course, if i invite you to be a friend take it as a compliment as i read alot on here and invite you because i like the style of some blogs, either serious, witty, day to day goings on etc. I received an invite yesterday from someone who included there phone number with the international dialing tone and there email address i kinda thought this a wee tad forward, dont get me wrong if someone from glasgow was on my list and we regulary commented on each others blogs and they asked for my msn i would possibly give it to them and even maybe meet up for a coffee or whatever but i would need to know the person and i think the more you read someones blog the more you get to know there wave length character and life style.
I did read a few of the persons entrys and to my horror he had put in quite a few peoples email addresses which i dont agree with what with all the hacking and spam that goes on, i didnt add the person nor did i reply to the message

I had to go to the Docs yesterday to get the morning after pill, the condom we used erm fell off because i was being a nugget and wouldnt get off and by the time i did...well you know the rest. For years i've asked to be sterilised and each time been told to come back next year. After receiving my lecture from the Doc (first time i've ever had the morning after pill) i asked again about getting sterisied her answer, no, "go on the pill" i fell pregnant on the pill, "coil"? hospital tried putting it in before and managed to rip a bit of me apart, "depo" makes my period last for 3 weeks and i need to get iron tablets. "implant?" yes i'll try that but i really want sterilised, there reasons for not refering me, i'm not married yes if you are 32 and married they will do it no one seems to udnderstand that i really don't want any more kids, when i was pregnant with carebear i was so big that my heart got put under so much pressure i now have to take 3 tablets everyday for the problem, i suffered terrible P.N.D, i got left on my own with a young child with no support from her Dad, i have had 4 miscarrages i also have o- blood which if you fall pregnant your body thinks it has a bug and tries to destroy the cells which become a baby.
My daughter is 9 years old even if i was to meet someone i wanted to spend the rest of my life with, by the time i felt comfortable enough to even consider having a child carebear would be at the very least a teenager and as selfish as it sounds i want a life again.
So i've to go back to the Docs in 3 years (thats how long the implant lasts) and ask again, i just feel that they should look at the consistency of my asking and realise im nt beingwymsical and this really is something that i want to happen, if i could do it privatly i would but it costs thousands of pounds and i just cant afford that unless they let me pay it up

What a great day it was yesterday, the sun beamedf through the bedroom window which made it lots easier to get up after 2 weeks of easter holidays. Took carebear to school and cauht up with a few people before heading off for my Doctors appointment (got a lecture but hey ho) then poppped down to see a friend who's being bating an alcohol problem but very pleased that she has still not had a drink in 3 weeks, her skin, hair and personality has began to return to its origional state and she seems much more happier within herself, sat in hergarden fro a couple of hours drinking coffee and having a conversation that actually made sense.
Picked carebear up from school and one of my best friends daughters as the childminder was at a funeral, got the girls home quck snack, homework and a change into some summer dresses then took them a walk down to the woods to collect some wild flowers and to climb a few trees and jump over the little stream that runs through it. Cmae home and made diner for the girls and we sat in the garden, i had teated myself to some lemon nfused olives and a block of feta cheese so i scoffed myself with them, yum yum.
Maizie came to pick up her daughter but ended up staying for a couple of hours gabbing about this and that. Maizie is my rock, the moment we meet we clicked and have been close ever since, shes the kinda person that even if something happened at 5 o'clock in the morning you know that you could phone her fro help or advice.
After they left carebear got herself sorted for bed and i sat down to catch up on my e-mails and other things on the www. Spoke to Maizie on msn til after midnight shut everything down then woke up at back o 4 on the bean bag stiff neck aching joints, crawled to my bed,couldnt even find the energy within to look for my jammies and i need something on as my piercings catch on my fabric bracelets, trust me its bloody agony if i catch them. Couldve cried when i woke up, no sorry got abrubtly awoken by Gomez singing away to get myself arrested, no sunshine this morning just rain and lots of it.
Enjoy your morning people if its sunny where you are

Went through to visit the ex boytoy on friday and took carebear with me as her dad was being a fanny and didnt want her down at his, ex boytoy has custody of his kids n carebear gets on brill with them so it wasnt a hasstle taking her there. Managed to get there ok, he's moved to a new town well a little village and i was looking forward to seeing him and the kids settled. All was good on friday, took a walk round the place as it's the coastline and you can walk round the cliffs, was very peaceful. Could'nt sleep that night at all, i'm not sure if it was because his bed was to soft or the fact i hadnt had a joint, i'll put it down to the smoke for now as i had a hellish time the last time i tried to give it up.Woke him up at half 6 so we could go through to the other room and watch the qualifier and i could have a cig. Tried going to sleeep again but still my eyes wouldnt close and only just started to get bleary eyed when i heard the girls wake up so told him to stay in bed and i would sort them there beakfast and get there clothes ready. Was getting really tired by this point but knew i would have to start making tracks soon as it takes 3 trains to get home and with one of them only being one every 2 hours i had to get my timings right. Missed the 1.45 because i was reading the paper,missed the 3.45 because carebear went out with the girls and didnt go to where they said they were going so at 5.45 we finally got the train.
By the time we got to the station the station ticket window was closed so couldnt get our tickets but if thats closed then the price you pay on the train is the same as when you would get them from at the window. Conductor was a complete asshole, £28.90 he wanted to charge told him no its £13.90, i only had £15 in my purse, we had a dispute for a couple of minutes and in the end he only gave me tickets to get into edinburgh and seemed to take great delight in charging me nearly £10, really started to panic as it costs £10 to get from edinburgh back to my house, When i got off at Edinburgh i went to the office to complain and to find out how the hell they would like me to get myself and a child home, dont get me wrong if push came to shove i would be able to go and see people i know who live there for help but i felt that the train company should take the fall. The guys in the office we're fantastic , explained everything that had happened how i was left stranded and more to the point i have a child who is starting to get distressed because of the hasstle. I got escorted onto the train,sat in first class, as it was now even later they gave carebear a bottle of juice, crisps and a cake i got a coffee and a muffin, the woman pushing the hospitality trolley was great she took carebear up to the drivers compartment and she got to honk the horn and was shown the different buttons and levers, brilliant journey but not one i'd be keen on repeating, we finaly got in at 10 o'clock last night, quick bite to eat and both went to my bed to watch family guy which we fell asleep watching. Slept through my alarm to watch the F1 so missed that but i suppose i did go from half 7 on friday morning til roughly 11 o'clock last night without sleep and i did get very stressed because of the ticket man on the first train. Think it might be a while before i go and see the ex again and next time i'm going to make sure i have purchased a ticket before going on the train

I don't watch talent shows on t.v as its mostly chewing gum for the eyes but i watched britains got talent on sunday morning whilst nursig my hangover and i admit when Susan Boyle came on stage a little tear dribbled out my eye, i put it down to the fact i was hungover and i do get emotional when im fecked. I've since watched the clip several times on you tube and the tears are still flowing. I don't endorse people but this woman was amazing, i'm sure most of you have either seen the clip or heard about it. I'm very anxious now to follow her progress as she steps into the shoes of Elaine Paige

Was walking down Buchannan Street last night listening to my ipod and totally focused on the interview i was going to took no notice of the many randoms around me as i went through diffrent answers and questions in my head, as i reached the road at St. Vincent Street i stoppped at the traffic lights (hate that road it's always busy busy busy) i looked around me and standing just to the left of me were two erm well i think they were females and they reminded me of the stone eaters in fragile rock, without realising what i was doing i suddenly burst out laughing, yeah i know you really don't find this at all funny but when your zoned out and only take your head out the clouds and the first thing you see is......

Apologies in advance as i might get a few things wrong here like the location.
Read in todays newspaper about the woman from er Berlin who has recently been made redundant from her teaching post so she decided through her depression to jump into the polar bear enclosure at the local zoo. Mr bear maulded her but she is in a critical condition in hospital.
A zoo worker who was interviewed told how they were minutes away from killing the polar bear
If it came to it should they be allowed to take an endangered species out? The bear was acting on his natural instincts (even though it's probably been brought up in captivity) The woman although not in her best mental health did take the matter into her own hands by scaling the wall and jumping over so she knew what she was doing.
So who would you save, the woman who planned it or the polar bear who acted on his own instincts? i would save the polar bear

Have another interview tomorow so thought i should really do my roots as my hairs been getting forgot about of late, i change betwen 2 colours but when i looked in the cupboard i only had a bottle of the colour my hair is just now, blue/black. the kind of colour that comes out of blue pens when there in your good shirt pocket. It'ss not a fancy job but it is work, i'm just wondering if i should have held off and went to morrisons for something a bit more erm acceptable but in saying that i never take out any of my piercings and that does'nt seem to put people off.
Might be buggered for one of my refrences though as one of the peeps i use has just sadly lost her mother so dont want to ask her so if anyone wants to offer to do a personal refrence that would be great. I'm feeling rather comfortable about this job its only a wee p/t thing but thats ok as i have other work commitments

The other night i was out drinking with a few mate's and a friend of a mate who if i'm being totally honest i have no time for. I cross the road if i see her, she's a very nosey person and a total gossip, we've never clicked as i'm not into gossip and i think it's shit the way she talks about people, cause i keep myself to myself and only tell friends things on a need to know basis ( i have 2 best friends who i can tell anything to as i trust them with my heart. Anyways a few things were getting talked about and a few things about me were revealed, not bad things but things i would rather did'nt get disclosd to the gossip. A wee mini arguement broke out, one of those thats over before it's even started but i watched gossip taking it all in, taking mental notes of things to tell her cronies. We decided after the little barney that it was over with and never to be talked about again and have a toast to celerbrate the fact no friendships had been lost and not to talk about it. Went to the shop last night for a few bits and bobs and the shop keeper could tell me things that had been said the night before in the pub, he finally caved and told me it was gossip that had told him infact she had been in the shop for over half an hour devouring every detail of our night, i was fizzing boiling point fizzing, came out the shop to walk home and gossip was in front of me so i pulled her up for it, had a bit of a go at her telling her what goes on between friends stays between friends and that i didnt appreciate the fact that i was one of the people in her little chat that was getting talked about, i did'nt have a pop to the point she was crying but she did go very sheepish, so do i apologise to her for having a pop?

got let down tonight by a mate who i was meant to be out with at a gig but at last minute she decided she had no money, im fuckin raging as i made sure carebear was at her dads for the night and i had money for a few pints, i realy dont get out that much most of the time i manage to get on guest lists for random gigs and being honest after being in all week i was really looking forward to a night out, so ickle me is really annoyed that i've been let down at literally the last minute, me the net and a bottle of vodka yet again

After day's of caring for carebear she made a recovery this morning and even went out to play, cabin fever had set in for me and anyone who phoned wasn't allowed off the thing for hour's, damented i was, even had to clean the footprints off the wall's and ceiling from wheere i had been climbing.
A nice friend has took her to stay with her and her daughter tonight so i can get a bit of me time, so after sitting in the house all week i'm er well sitting in the house with a wee bottle of vodka my cigs a wee bit of pot and my music. It's amazing how the cabin fever disappears whilst there booze and smoke around.

A little boy goes to his father and asks "Daddy, how was I born?" The
father answers: "Well, son, I guess one day you will need to find out
anyway! You're Mom and I first got together in a chat room on Yahoo.
Then I set up a date via e-mail with your Mom and we met at a
cyber-cafe. We sneaked into a secluded room, where your mother agreed to
do a download from my hard drive. As soon as I was ready to upload, we
discovered that neither one of us had used a firewall, and since it was
too late to hit the delete button, nine months later a blessed little
Pop-Up appeared and said: You've Got Male!"

Just remembered this after a reply to a comment from a fellow blogger.
A couple of week's ago i attended a sexual health and relationship workship at Carebears school, the cirriculum is changing and her school's fab at communicating with parents and carers. I'm very open with her and as she's at that stage where there all chatting in the playground and i don't really want her growing up knowing the wrong information or getting to "that age" where she's to embarresed to come to me.
I thought going to this workshop would help me so i'm not telling her to much (even though after i came home from an ann summers party with cherry lub and her constantly asking what it was for i finally caved and told her it was for when men and woman get down and dirty) as i value her childhood but society is making them more aware.
Anyway i think it's a great idea there taking on the attitude of the dutch by teaching them about relationships and feelings (its not all about sex) a few parent's were apprehensive about it all but the school explained it beautifully showing us video's the kids would see and then they showed us the worksheets the kids would be filling out and i could'nt believe it, yes at long last, they are telling them about the clitoris, boys take note because there's nothing worse than a fumble without knowing where it is.

HOW TO CALL THE POLICE WHEN YOU'RE OLD AND DON'T MOVE FAST ANYMORE.

George Phillips , an elderly man from Meridian, Mississippi was going up to bed when his wife told him that he'd left the light on in the garden shed, which she could see from the bedroom window. George opened the back door to go turn off the light but saw that there were people in the shed stealing things.

He phoned the police who asked "Is someone in your house?"

He said "No" but some people are breaking into my garden shed and stealing from me.

Then the police dispatcher said "All patrols are busy. You should lock your doors and an officer will be along when one is available."

George said "Okay."

He hung up the phone and counted to 30.

Then he phoned the police again.

"Hello, I just called you a few seconds ago because there were people stealing things from my shed. Well, you don't have to worry about them now because I just shot them." and he hung up.

Within five minutes six Police Cars, a SWAT Team, a Helicopter, two Fire Trucks, a Paramedic, and an Ambulance showed up at the Phillips' residence and caught the burglars red-handed.

One of the Policemen said to George "I thought you said that you'd shot them!"

George said "I thought you said there was nobody available

Carebear was moaning at me today because she wanted to sleep and i was banging about cleaning out one of my cupboards so i decided to watch a few dvd's instead, carebear has currently took over my bed in her sickness so i went downstairs to watch SAW 5, fell asleep about 10 minute's into it and the dreams i had we're awful. Woke up in a cold sweat checking every part of my body to see if it had been booby trapped. Thank feck i chose saw and not the grudge.
Just wish Carebear would get better although she did ask for food earlier so finger's crossed she's on the mend so we can do do thing's before the Easter hol's are over

My flight was being served by an obviously gay flight attendant, who seemed
to put everyone in a good mood as he served us food and drinks.
As the plane prepared to descend, he came swishing down the aisle and told us that
'Captain Marvey has asked me to announce that he'll be landing the big scary plane shortly, so lovely people, if you could just put your trays up, that would be super.'

On his trip back up the aisle, he noticed this well-dressed and rather Arabic looking woman hadn't moved a muscle. 'Perhaps you didn't hear me over those big brute engines but I asked you to raise your trazy-poo, so the main man can pitty-pat us on the ground.'

She calmly turned her head and said,
'In my country, I am called a Princess and I take orders from no one.'

To which (I swear) the flight attendant replied , without missing a beat,

'Well, sweet-cheeks, in my country I'm called a Queen, so I outrank you.
Tray -up, Bitch'

Right i shouldn't watch Jeremy Kyle as it just get's me pist off. I am fed up totally fed up with complete numpties who drag ex's on for a paternity test and when questioned why they never used condoms (feck the pill, the jag, implant, coyle etc they don't stop STI'S) there meek replys are, he/she is allergic to latex. I myself am allergic to latex and that includes balloons, i need to use a pump and rubber glove's to blow them up. Now anyone with half a brain knows that you can get latex free condom's there called avantiultima and durex make them, they are a wee tad more expensive than the latex one's but if you go to any family planning clinic or c card centre you get them for free, it only cost's you a bit of your time to go get them and the people behind the counter are very nice you only have to give your postcode and they will hand over a bag full of them, they even stock flavoured one's (i like the minty uns) for oral pleasure.
Being allergic to latex is not an excuse for brining a child into the world let alone bringing an ex partner/one night stand onto t.v.
The worst of it is most of these clowns probably record the show so they can watch it over and over and boast about the hotel and free bar that's put on for them. I hope there kids are more careful after all if these children find out that they were concieved but not wanted it can screw there head's up big time (trust me on this one)

... i'm not well i fell sick i've a sore tummy and i'm freezing, well at least the beds are now changed, carebears room tidied and the heating on full pop. Last night she fell asleep watching Eastenders woke up went to her bed only to shout me she was feeling icky and so the changing of bed clothes began, put carebear into my bed whilst i done the motherly duties of cleaning up carrots (never had carrots last night!!!) half an hour later mummy i'm sorry i couldn't help it, my bed covers changed, another load for the washing machine thats already burling round and by now it's 1 in the morning. Carebear back in her bed bucket next to her, temptrature was normal, stayed beside her til the sleep fairies eventually took her to dreamland. hang the washing up put the machine on again, run out of fabric conditioner eye's trailing behind me on the floor and a big flippin spider decide's to come say hello (i took a pic of it but it looked tiny so wont bother uploading it) stood in the kitchen telling it i was going to charge it rent if it did'nt make it's way to the door and vacate the premisses, when i'm outdoors i dont mind beasties but when i'm at home i freeze have palpatations, if one crawls in my tent i'm fine!!!!
My couch is now a make shift bed the livingroom a childs mini hospital and here was me thinking i only play nurses for thrills.
i want to so badly fall asleep but i can't, it must be an instict that kicks in when you give birth that if your child is unwell then you cannot sleep for worry, oh and i've definetly been off work to long Jeremy Kyle's a repeat

my last blog didnt go to plan but the general idea is out there, suppose i couls always turn it into a guess the missing words

Took care bear into town today as her Grandma was leaving to go back home to madchester, i get on wel with Grandma she even told me the best thing i done was kicking her son out. I slept in this morning as i stayed up late watching Zeitgiest and when i went to bed i kept pondering diffrent aspects of it so i turned the t.v on and watched river cottage. Got a phone call at half 9 which woke me up but i decided to watch frasier before emerging from my comfort zone then realised that i had done no ironing still needed a shower and a trip to the cash machine before even thinking about getting into town. Carebears skin's really bad just now and her right leg is in an awful state poor thing can hardly walk on it and i'm dragging her about the place like an ogre.
Oh how the tears streamed down all our faces when Grandma got on the train, even had to take carebear away before the train pulled out as it was that heart wrenching. The ex mother in law has done so much over the p ast week, taking her to euro disney, wee day trips out little meaningless phone calls which mean so much i can't thank her enough for what she has done.
To cheer carebear up i took her to the candy shack which even willie wonka would be envious of, carebear got her sweets and i got a big bag of black jacks. It was purely comfort food you understand, i still have my broken tooth and chewy sweets are'nt really a good idea.
Oh ickle me's got a date, my mate put me on an online dating site so 'm being very cautious about it all but on the same hand i have been dragging the ex boy toy into bed lately, we are both agreed that its random one night stands and never going down the path of dating again but he is a good shag who knows how to please me in all ways in the bedroom but i do need to find a distraction so maybe this "drink" will be it but i'm not as always holding my breathe.
It's totally pissing down so my chat with the moon is currently on hold til next week meaning i'm going to miss the moon being full but a bit of solitude is definetly on my cards at the moment.
Does anyone know if i can watch part 3 of Zeitgeiset on its own as it was only during that part i got tired eye's and started loosing concentration

A Glesga Burd and a Weegie Guy are in a bar when the girl notices something strange about the Nikes the Guy is wearing She says " Here mate, am no tryin tae take the piss ur any'thin like that, but how come you've goat an L oan wan o yer gutties 'n' an 'R' oan Ra urra wan? The guy smiles, puts down his bottle of cider and replies, " Cozam a bit thick so a huv tae huv an L oan ma left fit 'n' a R oan ma right wan......." "Feck sake" exclaims the girl " So that's why ma thongs've goat C&A oan thum!!".

that was from my mum who's currently trying to get into my good books, got a feeling it's going to take kitty kat more than a joke to make up for what she done to me.

Just watched it, brilliant

When things go tits up for me i like to grab a tent and my stove and just piss off to the hills and as whacky as this is going to make me sound i tell the moon all my woe's and somehow that seems to work a treat. I've just sat down and noticed in this clear night sky the moon is nearly full so fingers crossed that it stays dry so once carebears at her dads house i can escape for a couple of days with my canvas, stove and a bottle of J.D's and have a good old chin wag with my friend the moon.

As it's well known i'm a bit slow at times and feel a bit of a dafty i managed to watch the F1 in bed today after realising that the scat socket for the digi box had fallen out, for days i've thought carebear had knocked my channels out and as the remote for the t.v has been lost for over a year i came to the conclution that i would no longer be able to have my lazy sunday morning in bed. Scat socket back in i layed back to watch the race (well what there was of it)
I came down stairs afterwards to the stench of vodka and stale smoke, i had left the living room window open all night but the place stank, polished the polishable furniture swept the floor washed it in zoflora sprayed the couch, bean bag and curtains with frebreeze but i can still smell the smoke, i tend not to smoke in the living room as it's not fair on carebear and when the weathers nice i like standing at my back door watching the street go round.
Breakfast and lunch dishes done washing put away beds made hallway hoovered. I do feel alot better today, my little blip yesterday was maybe just my inner self telling me that dark days do still sometimes happen, i really hope carebear does'nt suffer from depression when she's older

One of my neighbours came over earlier to borrow some music when i showed her my vinyls and cd's she said fuck it want a vodka wouldnt know where to begin with the amount of stuff you have, i said oh yes vodka sounds so good. I still have my blinding headache and since pain killers and lying in a dark room have made no diffrence then maybe alcohol would help, no its worse than ever, i did have a few drinks listened to some music but still this head of mine wont go away, i'm off to bed now, not even bothering about my nightly smoke of hash just want to lie in a comfy bed and wake up feeling good and watch the F1 before starting another day in the comfort of my shell.
night all

I took carebear into see her grandma today and as i wasnt invited to there lunch date i walked up to the art galleries, having to hang around all day with shops everywhere and me to skint to even go for a starbucks plus the rain made me sad, so i walked up to the galleries which i do love plus its out the rain and free. Did have a wee jolly time of it until i bend over to look at a pair of feet on the angel gabriel when my back let out the most painful feeling i managed to straighten up but looked eveywhere for a bench with a back on it but there was none nearby and then i realised that i had to still walk back into town. I'm not sure if i looked like a penguin or a cowboy when i was walking , oh im so thick at times just realised my back probably popped cause i fell asleep on the floor last night.
I have as you can tell made it home but now i have a terrible headache and feel sick (sicknes probably from the tramadol i took when i came home for my back)
Just now, just for this moment i wish i had a shoulder to cry on, with a few things thats been going on i can feel myself getting drawn back into that black hole which makes me cry and want to run away leaving all my worrys behind. I hate these lonely thoughts

I have had the same festival tent for a while now and only realised the other day that the strange smell in my porch was coming from it. I never leave my tent behind as its funky and in a field of 30,000 other tents its easy to find with its pinkness and flowers, even in the dark its easily located as it soaks in the sun illuminating it at night (first time it was used i kept getting my mate to go check i couldnt be seen getting my jammies on even though i wear a bikini and wash my body every morning infront of the other festies) had a glass of wine to build up the courage of opening the bag then quickly ran to the shop for a can of freebreze, i was amazed at how many neighbours commented on my pink tent as i keep myself pretty much to myself but a few asked if i was getting prepared for a summer of festivals and with my wine glow said hell yeah cant wait.
Carebear asked if she could go in the tent once erected but after getting a pole to help me put it up she retreated rather quickly back to the swing park. Full can of frebreeze later and its in good working order for this year,wont tell you some of the things that fell out of it that i concluded was causing the wiff but i'm all set and ready for every mud fest the summer can throw at me