trulyfab

...Thought i would enlighten yo all to my evening, i had a shower water was freezing as i forgot to trn it on, watched consipation street....boring, then car crash i'm a celebrity. Ok i'll admit to being a fan of this particular show, i love challenges and camping in the middle of nowhere so it appeals to me, plus i get to laugh out loud at Katie/Jordan and that Kim comes away with stuff that has me rolling. George is a bit of a funny charachter too. Made a stirfry, kitchen now stinking of garlic. Watched Bronson, lets just say i did'nt pause it when i needed the loo or had a sudden urge for muchies. Infact i even got the waxing pot out to tidy up the catipillars.
So need to sort the cupboard up the stairs out, my boiler is being maintenaced next week....ff's even i cant get that kind of serive these days.
My mate is off to Hog Kong tomorrow, she's got an overnight stay in Amsterdam for the connection...lucky person that she is. Have arranged to meet up with her brother next week, she still does'nt know him and i are texting each other and arranging a weekend away.
Oh yeah and the main light in the living room went then the lamp and finally the lights in my fire, why do light bulbs go at the same time?
Also decided that tonight, unlike last night i will sleep in my bed and not on the sofa, necks still sore from this morning.
Ok i think thats enough of my rambling, night peeps

...What my profile pic was of, my PM is playing up as i expect everyone elses is, so here's the story.

It's of a sanshoe, the other one got bounced off Pete Dochertys head 2 years ago at a gig. I did'nt throw it, they were slip ons and being erm totally wired to the moon it fell off. BTW i blame snifer dogs and heavy police presence outside the venue for me getting so wasted to quickly, if they had'nt been there then i could have spaced my erm narcotic misuse out over the course of the night instead of taking it all at once. Anyhows, shoe fell off, i was jumping up and down at the time in the mosh pit, some random picked it up and bounced it of Dohertys napper. I never got my shoe back and i walked through the streets of glasgow with one shoe on in the middle of december, have to say though the guy who tossed it gave me his babyshambles t-shirt to wrap round my foot so it wouldnt get to sore. Stil have the odd shoe and tee

Mummsie phoned me today to ask what i want for my chritmas, i asked her to get me the Micheal Jackson CD or Frankie Goes To Hollywood compilation disc thats just been rereleased, she then said what else....i'm not a greedy person, i have everything i need. Years and years ago my mum bought me a Fenjal bath set, it's lovely, so asked if she would get me some of that too. I'm so looking forward to CB going to her dads on boxing day so ican have a fenjal fuelled bath whilst listening to some tunes, think i will treat myself to a few scented candles from the local aromatherapy shop, there made with oil and do give out a fragrance when lite............on a xxx sleeps to christmas now

My head has been rolling most of the week, i had text CB's dad on wednesday as the tenner i get every fortnight from him through the csa was'nt in my account, he's started wor but forgot to say anything to me. A few hours later i get a phone call from him asking if i'd phoned the c.s.a telling them he had started work, i had'nt but i still took all sorts of verbal and him telling me he does'nt want the c.s.a to have any of his bank details. At the end of the day it makes no odds to me, if i get proper mainteance from him then the social security will detuct it from my benefits anyway. The the c.s.a phone asking how i wanted it dealt with, explained to him that it made no odds to me but i did ask him who informed him of fuck faces new employment....it was fuck face that phoned him. Did however manage to find out how much he stil owed me from years ago when he fell off the face of CB's world. 659 quid so i have told the c.s.a that i want that retrieved as it's money from years ago so it won't effect my current circumstance.
So then last night a friend comes over, i really have enough worrys of my own just now and i am already helping another friend alot so i can't take anything else on. I felt really crap, she's ging through so much with her son refusing to go to school, social workers appearing at her door, her hubby back doing porridge for breaking bail conditions. To be honest there's not alot i can/could do anyway, i'm more a practical person but i will listen to her and be a shoulder for her.
Then this morning, phone call from fuckface saying that i told the c.s.a to take maintenance from his account, explained to him in simplified terms what i had told the c.s.a. Now i know fuckface to well, if the c.s.a go into his account he'll close the account down, if they go through his employer then he will simply give up work. The csa dude phones again, told him that by getting his wording wrong i am getting verbal. My head is bursting.

Infact it's even more mangled since i just popped into the living room there and CB is listening to Alexandra whats her coupen from that car crash t.v show x manufactured fixed factor. I am sorry whoever allowed her to record Hallelujah should be took out into the woods and shot in the back of the head...Jeff Buckley must be raging.

I was going to pose this question on a friends group that she has started up but as i'm not in the group did'nt want to start a snoball effect.

One of my frineds cameover earlier because she was upset about something that happened to her, with CB in bed we decided a glass or 2 of wine was in order. The conversation about her problems lasted for , well, ages. Eventualy we got onto the subject of religion, now as everyone knows i am in no way religious but respect other peoples religion. Now here's the thing that i would like to throw out to you all....If you believe in God then surely you have to believe in the devil? If you believe in heaven then there must be a hell?

Not me for a change, got a phone cal to go get CB from school as she was sick. Was good timing as i was just walking past the school at the time going to asda, went in and told her before going home to the warmth of a blanket and the couch i had to pop up and get a few essentials in. Coming back down she stopped and held onto me with an ice cold hand, there was a woman walking through the tunnel with a rottweiler. I asked politly if she would put it on the leash as my daughter was feart of it, was told not to be so daft it was a friendl thing. Now reverse a few years to when my mum and CB were walking up to a shop near my mums and a rootie tried to take my mums face off (CB was about 5 at the time) it also took the ice cream CB had in her hand of her nipping her as it did so, My mum got into the shop and several people had been traped int he shop for over an hour waiting on the dog warden to come to there rescue. So again very nicely i told her to get the dog on the leash my daughter is petrified and i don't care if its a softy. Stil she did'nt put the lead on she just walked past us drawing me dirty looks. Now i dont know if i'm wrong here, under the dangerous dogs act rotties should be on a leash when out and also muzzled.

CB is in the local rag today, a picture of her getting her award, wil try and see if it's on there website and bore you all to death with the article

So glad i have'nt started my christmas shopping for CB, we were up at asda yesterday and they had touch screen phones for 50 quid, sold out today, she seen an ipod 105, i'm not going to get her an ipod, she has a 200 limit and and i'm not spending half of it on an ipod, i don't really want to get her a phone either as the last 2 are lost. When did 9 year olds get so old? I'm trying to steer her into board games that we can play together in the dark nights and during weekends holidays etc when she's complaining of being bored.

Now thing is, Dad gets her stuff from him never from santa, so over the years i have got her a wee thing from me and a pile of prezzies from the red man. Now she's older and dithering over if he's real or is it really me who gets up in the midle of the night and creep about the house drinking milk and mince pies then popping outside to bin carrots. This year she's been coming away with it's not really fair that dad buys her loads and i only get her a wee thing..i could honestly swing for him at times.

I'm not backing down, i wil spend 20 on her and the rest santa will bring, i can in theory afford to get her a phone but i'm adiment i'm not doing it, i want to have a nice day, it's just her and i and i want a nice table set out with nice food and decorations.

So if i did bow down and buy her ipods phones and goodness knows what else she will come up with in the next 5 weeks what the heck do you get them next year? She has a t.v dvd plaer digi box and hi-fi in her room. Most of her friends have this and more in there's , my mate bought her 8 year old a laptop last year...we take turns on the laptop at home.

I know kids want what there friends have, i remember being young and wanting what the girl down the road had, saying that both her parents were lawyers, my mum stayed at home and brought us up my dad a porter in a hospital and there are 4 of us but we had a good day, did'nt get through the year the way kids do now.

I feel like, although i never ever would, telling her the truth when she hums and haws over the reality of the man in the red suit.

Before yo all start licking your lips , i am going to turn you off cheese cake for life. Went to the family cooking thing last night..oh should say a few things here, i take CB to this class as she wanted to go plus it meant we were doing something together in an enviroment that means we can't moan at each other, i'm a chef by trade so my cooking skills are good though it was fine dining i trained in so unless you want a saucerful of dinner on an overly large plate when you visit stick with the big pot of chilli thats on the table....So last night was cheese cake, one of my favorite desserts, walked in to see a tub of asda's own soft cheese and 3 mars bars. No cream no lemons no vannila pod. WTF thats not cheesecake thats a mess, the only good thing was the mars bar i stuffed in my pocket for laters. Can honestly say i have spent all night in the toilet reading trainspotting and spraying airfreshner to the point little leprachauns were reading the book with me.
Finally got to sleep about 5 and had the nastiest dream ever, i woke myself up shouting and crying and had to run in and check CB was alright. I am blaming the little bit of cheesecake i had for the whole experience, i had a tiny bit after dinner and within 5 mins i thought i was having contractions.
Next week is the last of this cookery class thing and i will not put anything made in my mouth, i honestly thought walking down last night i was onto a winer as CB hates cheesecake..more for me i thought, even the birds wont eat the bloody thing.

The past few days don't deserve a title, unless you want a rundown of all the t.v i've watched all weekend then i have done nothing seen nothing and spoke of nothing. Highlight of the weekend was when the washing machine stopped and i had to hang the stuff over the clothes thingy. Inservice day today so did'nt even have to get up for that, good job really as i fell asleep on the couch watching Austin Powers last night and woke up this morning to CB watching cbbc. Infact i wanted to be isolated this weekend so i turned my phone off, closed the blinds so anyone wanting to communicate would have thought i was out. So there that was my boring chilled out recluse weekend.

I don't know if i'm in the right or wrong here and frankly my dear i don't give a fuck. CB's dad phoned earlier he was supposed to be picking her up at 4.30, he phoned me to tell me he would be late, i reminded him that he still has to take her next weekend as this is'nt his weekend (his decision not mine) he told me no he wsa only taking her this weekend to do her a favour. A favour for what i asked, apparently (according to him) last night i done nothing but moan at her..if i remember rightly last night she got a fab report from her teachers so i got her a wee treat from the shop, not much just a bar of chocolate but a treat all the same. I sang her praises to anyone who looked at the text msg i sent to family and even let her watch a dvd i have been saying no to for months.
She came in just as i had hung up the phone, i asked her about it and she said no she had'nt said that, it was her dad that asked if she wanted to come through this weekend. So just now she's snibed until i find out which one is telling me porkys.
What i'm bealing about is the fact he's doing her a favour, he's her dad he should want to see her out of love. I'm fed up with his lies, this past year has been a nightmare with him to the point i was ready to leave my little nest and run away to somewhere he would never find us. Last month he gave her a newspaper to read, well an article in a newspaper about one of her cousins who if truth be told is a bit of a gangster and i went potty, i listened to his mum for 6 friggin days belittle me tell me everything that is being said about me and i sat and took it.
Ok i know myself and i admited it to a friend the other day that lately i have been a complete cow with certain peeps, i have been loosing my temper and telling a few peeps exactly what i'm thinking and it aint been pretty, but never once has my attitude changed with CB, i would and will do anything for her, she's my only child but i can't take anymore of her dads shit, it's dragging me down, he dragged me down when we were together to the point i ended up in hospital after trying to commit sideyways, the scars remind me of how lucky i was to get out when i did and since we parted i have accehived so much that i can't allow him to destroy it and i cannot allow him to destroy m daughter.
I was going to apologise for going off on a tangent but know what, i feel better all ready